Leila Bachelon is…

the nom de plume of a mother, wife, writer, blogger, recovering depressive, biracial lunatic with a potty mouth, who loves fitness, healthy eating (with cookies and potato chips), writing, my kids, my husband, and a good glass of wine or a dark beer from time to time.  Sometimes I feel like there’s about 5 or 6 different people with completely different interests and supposedly contrasting beliefs – for instance, in addition to everything I just said, I’m deeply spiritual, practice yoga and meditation, and believe that this life is just one step of many to…something we’d be hard-pressed to define. It’s hard to paragraph all the crap I do/believe/am, so here are some bullet points to make it easier to sift through the madness in my head:

  • I have 2 children. They are known here as Punksin (the girl, currently 8 1/2) and Pudding (the boy currently 5). If you’re so curious about the reasons behind those names that you’re staying awake at night, email me and I’ll tell you how they came about.
  • My husband is known here as the Tech Guru. He’s a software developer who is a freaking genius. I love that he’s brilliant at stuff I suck at – like math. And coding. And art. And chess. And erections. I’m not quite sure what it is about me that makes him love me as opposed to running screaming in the opposite direction. Because to be honest, I wouldn’t marry me. But I’d go out with me to clubs and dinner and cultural events. I can only guess that my being borderline psychotic keeps things…interesting.
  • Having said that, though, I do think that marriage licenses should be renewable, like drivers’ licenses. You want out, just don’t renew.
  • I’m a Sagittarian, and I bet you can find other Sagittarians who feel the same way about marriage licenses. We don’t like being in relationships because we HAVE to be there. We like being there because we WANT to be there.
  • I’d kill anyone who messes with my kids. Do not fuck with my kids. (Trust me, I’m probably fucking with them enough for all of us.)
  • I homeschool my kids.
  • Sometimes, my kids homeschool me.
  • I started blogging in 2006.  I stopped blogging about a year later because of severe depression.
  • When I say severe, I mean life-threatening. Draw your own conclusions.
  • I started blogging seriously again in 2010. I will not succumb to this bullshit, lthough you will probably see many posts on here that will convince you otherwise. When I am giving up, feel free to reach across the internets and SMACK THE SENSE BACK INTO ME. PLEASE.
  • Five things are keeping me out of the Dark Place: meditation, therapy, working out, prayer and writing.
  • If I meet you, we should have drinks.  I have problems, but alcoholism isn’t one.
  • I love sports. I used to love the Yankees but my interest has waned in inverse proportion to the rising prices of a ticket,  which make it near impossible to actually attend a fucking game unless one is a celebrity or the CEO of some company that is probably being mismanaged to hell.
  • I love mysteries and suspense novels, and I am in the process of writing a thriller/suspense novel.
  • With the exception of The Amazing Race, I absolutely detest reality TV. There is nothing real about it.
  • The Situation? Really? Famous for lifting a shirt all the time and pointing to himself with a smirk? This is what passes for entertainment in America. We are really dumb.
  • My musical tastes are all over the map: I love the Rolling Stones, the Eagles, the Beatles, Marvin Gaye, Zero 7, Rodrigo y Gabriela, Snowboy, Sting, Lisa Shaw, Samantha James, Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninoff, Bebel Gilberto, the Chris Byars Quartet, Miguel Zenon…really, you do not want me to continue this list. It crosses several genres and never ends.
  • I am about to become a DIY diva.  If you saw my house you’d know why.
  • I still believe in Santa Claus.
  • And unicorns.
  • And mermaids.
  • And dragons.
  • Seriously.
  • Yes, seriously.
  • No, really! Stop asking already!
  • No, I’m not drunk as I write this. (Some of the other posts, sure, but not this one.)
  • Sometimes I think I would like another child.  Then I wake up.
  • Really, I would have another one, but I’m 42, so unless I win Lotto and can sit on my ass for the entire pregnancy, not going to happen.
  • I believe in reincarnation.
  • I belong to the good old C of E.  Don’t think the reincarnation thing would go over well with them, though. My beliefs encompass quite a few world religions, so I’m starting to think of myself as more spiritual than religious.
  • I LOVE anything British.
  • Including tea, which is my drink of choice. If I’m drinking coffee, you know I went to bed really late.
  • I love cats and dogs. My favorite dog ever is a dog an ex used to have, named Kojak. That dog lives in my heart.
  • My dad was German, which may account for why my favorite dogs are German Shepherds, Rottweilers and Doberman Pinschers – all German dogs, ja?
  • My mom is from Barbados and I had some amazing summers there and beautiful memories of that place.
  • I grew up in NYC which is really an amazing place that I’ve come to appreciate even more since having kids.
  • I hate the cold.  When fall comes, I have to be particularly vigilant about falling back into depression. So as much as I love NYC, I would really like to move to Miami and just come back north in the spring and summer. Working on it.
  • I named my depression to make it easier for me to confront it.  He’s a black dragon and his name is Claude.
  • Sometimes, I secretly wonder if I’m dead and just don’t know it, like Bruce Willis in Sixth Sense. It would explain a lot of shit, that’s for sure.
  • I have never smoked pot or done any drugs.  It was always about the drinks with me.
  • I love sci-fi and action flicks.  Also martial arts but good martial arts movies.  If I want a sad movie, I’ll just go over my life in my head, thank you. As for romances, they just outright bore me. I do believe in romance completely and absolutely but I’ll leave the movies alone, thanks. I love comedies but I’m more Old School than How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
  • When I die, I want to be cremated and spread over the Caribbean Sea. Someone please remind my husband if he forgets so I don’t have to come back and haunt him.
  • I changed my mind about the cremation thing. I want to be wrapped in a shroud and returned to the sea and the mermaids (which is the nice way of saying dump my body overboard).  Just do it way way out…I don’t need to drift ashore and scare any kids.
  • I am absolutely terrified of baby corn and it must be removed from any meal I am eating while I look in the other direction. Do NOT ask me why, I have no idea, but that IT SCARES ME.
  • I spend a good portion of most days looking for my phone. I can never remember where the hell I’ve left it. However, throw on a song from the 80s and I can sing along WORD FOR WORD.
  • I often find myself at the register in a store with NO WALLET. This has happened enough that the kids remind me now to make sure I have my wallet. I feel like they are getting a taste of my old age: “MOM! WHERE ARE YOUR KEYS? DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY? NO, NO ONE IS ON THE PHONE. THAT’S NOT EVEN THE PHONE YOU’RE HOLDING TO YOUR EAR, IT’S THE TV REMOTE.”
  • The OTHER weird habit I have picked up is getting out of the car and going into the store WHILE LEAVING THE CAR DOOR OPEN. My daughter is always catching me at this. When I told her I don’t know what I would do without her, she dryly responded, “Probably get robbed.
  • I hate peanut butter. The mere smell of it makes me want to vomit and it is the one thing I refuse to make for my husband and kids.
  • I love Star Trek. And Stargate. And stars! Yeah, the real ones in the sky, love those too.
  • I have a feeling I am at a phase in my life where I am about to start doing some crazy shit. Midlife crisis? Maybe! But…something is coming. Like most changes in life, some of it will be good, some of it might be painful. But such is the nature of change.
  • I love my high school: Stuyvesant High School in NYC. Loved it more than college, frankly.
  • Oh, last one, I can’t believe I almost forgot! I am fucking awesome. Please feel free to remind me of this at any time, especially on those days where I feel like yesterday’s leftovers. It will get you lots of cool points.

Posted in | 6 Comments »

6 Responses to “Leila Bachelon is…”

  1. Tamara says:

    I googled “mommy needs a mental vacation” after having a really sh*tay morning and I stumbled across your page. I have laughed at some of your thoughts as well as feeling other emotions, because I totally freaking relate to alot of what you say. You rock and thank you for uplifting my spirit!

  2. Leila says:

    Okay, I’m a dumb ass, because I just saw this. Thank you so much Tamara. November is never a good month for me – it’s my birth month and, as such, I spend a good deal of it wondering why the fuck I’m here. So I apologize for only NOW responding to your post, but if you think I rock, then I can only think that you must rock too. And the fact that I come up in the search for “mommy needs a mental vacation” is just…the cat’s freaking pajamas. Really. 🙂

  3. Sarah says:

    I have nominated you for the Very Inspirational Blogger Award
    http://makeupandmirtazapine.com/awards/very-inspirational-blogger/

    • Leila says:

      Thank you Sarah! This is so awesome and I keep forgetting to pay it forward…but I’m gonna do it I swear!!! 🙂

  4. Cathy_H says:

    Best. About. Page. Ever.

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