My Aqua/Turquoise Handbag Obsession
May 13th, 2012
Every now and then, I get…obsessed with something. Once it was boots. I went absolutely insane buying…boots. My rationale was that since I hate winter SO MUCH, that at least if I had awesome kick-ass boots to knock around in, I would be more inclined to go out and rock them to the world. Um, [...]
It’s A Shitty Day in the Neighborhood
March 6th, 2012
It’s 9:10 p.m. In a little under 3 hours this day will be over, and BOY WILL I BE GLAD. It hasn’t been a horrible day. Nothing completely awful and terrible happened. My life did not drastically change for the worse. So, I suppose I shouldn’t complain. But, fuck it, I’m going to ANYHOW. It [...]
Delusions of Grandeur
January 10th, 2012
One of my great-grandfathers used to talk about people who walked around with “delusions of grandeur,” this idea of their own overwhelming importance. I would say that definitely has to apply with Beyonce and Jay-Z, given all I’ve heard about the prep that went into the arrival of their baby. I mean, they have lots [...]
The Org Chart
January 8th, 2012
So then the Tech Guru reads the last post, and he starts murmuring, I didn’t think you had to go there. HE JUST CANNOT SHUT UP. He’s about to get fired. Let me make this very clear: I AM THE WRITER. I WRITE WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT. If I want to BEAT SOMETHING [...]
CODE RED! CODE RED! CODE RED!!!
January 1st, 2012
WE INTERRUPT THE REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM FOR THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT: I CANNOT FIND MY FUCKING ANXIETY MEDICATION. CODE RED! REPEAT: CODE - FUCKING – RED!!!! I had a bottle of Ativan that I carried in my bag so that if anxiety hit me while I was out and about, I would have it readily available. [...]
Football for Dummies
November 8th, 2011
So tonight, I am watching football. The Eagles are playing Monday Night Football. (In case you didn’t know, the Eagles are the football team you must support in order to live in this house.) Now, I am relatively new to the sport. Until I met the Tech Guru some, what, 14 years ago, I didn’t [...]
Sex, Lies and Videotape
September 7th, 2011
Okay, I have to confess… There is nothing in this post about sex. Or videotape. (Which, when paired with sex, can apparently get you a whole reality show career that involves you sleeping with lots of sports stars and finally having a wedding in which you do not spend money but earn it, right Kim [...]
And Another Thing About the Vaginas…
June 29th, 2011
So I was thinking about the whole “hot female vagina” thing. (If you have no idea what I’m talking about, please, catch up.) Anyhow, as I was saying, I was pondering the whole thing and then it hit me… What ass types in “hot female vagina“? I mean, think about it. Have you ever known [...]
It’s Hot and Beautiful Outside
May 27th, 2011
…just like me. In your face, Shit-oshi Kanazawa. (I know, infantile…but what do you expect from a woman who hangs out with a 7-year old and a 3-year old all day?) I’m feeling good. It’s a long weekend. The Tech Guru is already on his way home, although he just texted me that he is [...]
Ooh! I Love How BIG It Is!
May 26th, 2011
Admit it…you wanted to see if I was talking about The Tech Guru’s manhood, didn’t you? Sorry, folks. Catch me when I’m drunk and I’ll go into graphic detail, but for now…no. What I am talking about – and I shock myself with this one – is the whole Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries engagement thing. I [...]
