STFU, Kid
January 9th, 2012
I’m on my iPhone scrolling through shoes on Ebay, when Punksin comes up to me and says “What are you looking at?” “Shoes,” I answer. “Oh.” Pause. “Didn’t you just get a pair of boots a few days ago?” I didn’t answer, mainly because I didn’t trust myself to answer without using some sort of [...]
The Org Chart
January 8th, 2012
So then the Tech Guru reads the last post, and he starts murmuring, I didn’t think you had to go there. HE JUST CANNOT SHUT UP. He’s about to get fired. Let me make this very clear: I AM THE WRITER. I WRITE WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT. If I want to BEAT SOMETHING [...]
Annoying Thing #1 and Ewok Porn
January 6th, 2012
I’ve decided I’m going to post about things that annoy me. Just in case you didn’t figure that out from the title. No, I’m not trying to be negative or anything. At least, that’s not my intent right now. Not all of it is going to be things that piss me off. Things that piss [...]
Stand Down
January 5th, 2012
WE CAN ALL CALM DOWN NOW PEOPLE. THE MEDICATION HAS BEEN FOUND. As it turned out, the medication WAS on the kitchen counter, but if you knew how full of drugs medicine and helpful products my kitchen counter is, you’d understand why it wasn’t easy to find. The damn bottle was actually on its side [...]
The Year of Making Shit Happen
January 1st, 2012
So it’s 2012! Hello there, New Year, how the hell ARE you? Me, I’m fine. A tad woozy from meds but as you will soon learn, that’s not so abnormal. These meds are not behavioral meds, though, no, these are cough and congestion meds to clear up the mucus that LOVES to collect in my [...]
Mr. Blackwell Lives Here
December 23rd, 2011
I am not so much into stockings. Last winter, I got into thigh-high socks. I wanted to keep my legs warm, but somehow the tight-nylons-hugging-the-crotch thing seemed constricting. So I got into socks. I mean, it wasn’t like I was wearing dresses that much. Not in winter. But a few days ago I decided to [...]
So What Does This Sound Like to YOU?
December 6th, 2011
So this conversation happened in our house the other day: Tech Guru: Where are my balls? Punksin: I don’t know. Tech Guru: You guys keep playing with my balls. Punksin: The last time I remembered you with them, you were putting them in my hand while I was asleep and that’s how you woke me [...]
In Which I Explain Why The Tech Guru Calls Me ‘Hooker’ and I Call Him ‘Motherfucker’
November 23rd, 2011
Be forewarned: it’s really not that exciting. I don’t know if I should even tell you. I’m sure it’s a lot more titillating for you to think that we yell these out at each other when we’re having raw, crazy, baboon-style sex. (FYI, I don’t really know anything about baboons and their sex lives. It just [...]
My Next BFF Is Going to Be a Guinea Pig
November 21st, 2011
So we might be getting guinea pigs. Let me be VERY CLEAR on this…we MIGHT. I said MIGHT. The kids want a pet. I want a dog and so do the kids, but I’m also very aware of the fact that taking care of that dog is going to fall mainly on my shoulders, and [...]
We Did Not Get the Memo on Child Labor
November 20th, 2011
Today we are out driving on useless important errands, and we pass a farm that is already set up with Christmas trees. CHRISTMAS TREES, PEOPLE! It is not even THANKSGIVING. It is not even MY BIRTHDAY. (My birthday is in November, in case you didn’t know, and is treated as a national holiday in this house for [...]
