Holy crap, it’s been a long time. Where the hell have you guys BEEN?

Okay, okay, it’s not you, it’s me. Obviously. I’ve been busy as bees around here, and most of my life can be summed up by letting you know about my new job:


No, seriously, this is like a fucking job now. I am a chauffeur. I am the towel girl, the water girl, the chef and nutritionist, the adviser, the psychiatrist, the equipment purchaser – and I get paid for NONE of this shit. NONE. OF. IT.

But I do get the sheer joy of (okay, this is about to be a brag, so just deal with it) being the mom of one of the TOP SWIMMERS IN OUR STATE.

And I think you may recall, for those of you who have been under the table with me before, that Pudding also tried out for the team, that was 2 years ago. And he didn’t make it on. He had just turned 6 and could barely do 25 yards without stopping 6 times. We knew it was going to be a long shot for him but he so wanted to try, God knows he did, so we got him lessons and everything but…it just wasn’t his time.

Well, his time came last year. He tried out, and he made it, and now we have 2 swimmers. What Pudding lacks in technique right now, he more than makes up for in sheer heart and gusto. That boy swims like sharks are ON HIS ASS. Even his sister doesn’t swim like that. She is fast, but…she doesn’t appear to attack the water the way Pudding does. Pudding literally wants to pulverize it. It’s awesome. They’re so very different in the way they approach swimming.

Anyhow, that’s been my job, but…I also need to get back on here, because seriously, some good stuff has happened, some hilarious stuff has happened, and…I haven’t been too suicidal! I have my moments of doom and gloom, but they are more “moments” as opposed to “life philosophies”. So that’s good.

With that said, I don’t have time to sit here all night jawing with you people. I have to get back to my crocheting. Friday is supposed to be godawful cold, something like 90 degrees below zero or some such nonsense, and I need a cowl.

Oh wait.

Did I tell you I was diagnosed with migraines?

Yeah. THAT was fun. They came on very suddenly,  I want to say…last year? No, I think it was September of 2013, and it was just frightening. That pain is just…scary. My head felt like it was being peeled open. And among the things that triggers my migraines, is the COLD. I am not normally a winter hat person but this year I’ve had to get with the program because the cold has been so biting that to go out without a hat is just like saying “Here, Migraine! Come and get me!” So I’ve been making my own hats, mainly because I CAN, and also because I have a lot of hair and most of the hats out there were made for women with flat lifeless hair (or so it seems to me) as opposed to people with long thick curly Diana Ross diva hair like me.

So, I need to get back on to my hat, because the kids and I have a field trip into Antarctica NYC on Friday and I’ll be damned if I’m going out into that cold without something resembling a wooly mammoth on my head.

Stay warm, people. STAY WARM.

Posted in General Crap | 1 Comment »

One Response to “I’m BAAAAAAACK!!”

  1. A City Girl says:

    I was wondering what happened to you…no…actually I was kind of worried. Glad you are fine and both kids are on the swim team. Thats awesome! Swim mom is cool.
    Stay warm…if that is even possible up there. Down south it’s freaking freezing. I am now planning on being one of those old people who goes way down south for the winter. I can’t take this cold!!
    Can’t wait to hear your stories.