Um, Yeah, I Didn’t Tell You But We Have a Baby

Did I not tell you?

I don’t think I told you. Maybe I did but I’m too lazy to go back into my own archives to check.

Anyhow, last December, early in the month, we brought this little guy into the family.


His name  – savor this, because this is the only family member without an alias  – is Wolfgang von Stulpnagel.

I mean, he’s a German Shepherd. How could I not give him a German name? Especially with me being HALF-GERMAN? So, he has my German last name, and I chose Wolfgang because I like it, and I can call him Wolfie for short now that he’s a puppy, and Wolfgang when he’s older and I want him to bite the shit out of somebody. The kids insist on calling him Wolfgang von Stroppenheimer because they cannot pronounce von Stulpnagel properly, which I’ve explained is absolutely unacceptable since it’s PART OF THEIR HERITAGE AND THEREFORE THEY WILL BE TESTED ON IT UNTIL THEY CAN GET THAT SHIT RIGHT.

The long story that ended with Wolfie’s arrival in our home is one I cannot go into right now for the sake of my blood pressure. Suffice it to say that he was purchased from a breeder but I feel more and more like he was rescued from a disreputable breeder. Not that this guy was necessarily a BAD person, I can’t go as far as to say that without more evidence. But at the very least, he has no idea what the fuck he’s doing, and Wolfie suffered for it, and may still be suffering for it. I don’t have a full workup on him yet to see if he has hereditary conditions that are going to affect him later – things that a good breeder would already have tested for. Shit, this idiot couldn’t even tell me when the dog was fucking BORN. See? I’m starting to get pissed already. Not because we paid, but because I don’t like seeing dogs mistreated.

The fact that Wolfie was so thin when we got him makes me feel, in some ways, better about getting him. I know there are loads of dogs in shelters waiting for homes, and I was always one of those people who preferred to rescue one than pay through my ass for a purebred, which Wolfie supposedly is. (Although I did not pay through my ass for him, thank God.) But I really feel like we rescued this dog, if not from abuse, from sheer neglect. He was about 20-30 pounds underweight, and of course with such a weight deficiency comes lack of energy. He was as meek as could be. But now, he’s come into his own, and although I’m still trying to bulk him up with the help of a recipe for a supplement with the absolutely hilariously suggestive name of SATIN BALLS, he’s already doing a lot better on the weight front.

Aren’t I cute as fuck?

So yeah, this is my new baby.

The other baby, the human one…I’m still on the fence with that one. And I know the fence is going to come down pretty soon and that’ll be the end of it, and…maybe I’ll be okay with that. I waver a lot. Sometimes I think it would be absolutely wonderful to have another little one, because my first two are SO FUCKING AWESOME. But the very things I miss are also the things that can tire you out: diaper changes, nursing…do I want to go there again? Or is it time to let our two munchkins grow while we re-focus on each other and the millions of things we want to do?

It’s not an easy decision. I’m also scared that, at age 43, my chances of having a baby with a health problem are higher. I’ve been so lucky – my kids don’t even have peanut allergies, for God’s sake. With the exception of Pudding’s respiratory issues, which are pretty mild, these kids are A-OK on the health front. What if the next one isn’t? Do I want to take that risk? It’s like I’m on Let’s Make a Deal: do I stick with what I have or go with seeing what’s behind door #3? Not to mention that having a baby now while running hither and thither with Punksin and her swimming…I don’t know. I always thought two would be great, but part of me wants to be outnumbered now. I get a lot of love and laughs from my munchkins. A little more…would be wonderful.

But for now, we have Wolfie and…the rest remains to be seen.

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Posted in The Fam | 6 Comments »

6 Responses to “Um, Yeah, I Didn’t Tell You But We Have a Baby”

  1. Claire Lopez says:

    We got a new baby, Zeus, just before Christmas. He was a breeding dog and his (former) owner didn’t want to take him from the shelter when he realized the dog would have to be neutered. His loss, our gain!

    • Leila says:

      Zeus! That was the name of our Doberman…sigh. He was a nutjob, but a lovely dog. My goal is to have, at some point, a German Shepherd, a Rottweiler and a Doberman, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Because they are all GERMAN DOGS. (So are Dachsunds, but really, I just can’t take them seriously.)

  2. Adina says:

    He is cute as fuck!!! We keep looking at dogs thinking about the same ones you have. Wolfie and Zeus are great dog names! In the meantime, we have a 6 year old min pin and even younger kids. We swore we would only get another dog when we had the time to do proper training and exercising of said dog. We started off OK with the min pin and then slid – found it was easy enough to pick her up when she misbehaved. She is 12 lbs. This will not be an option with a bigger dog. I think.

  3. A City Girl says:

    I love big dogs when they are little but then I get scared of them when they grow. Silly I know but I finally got me a ShiTzu (Bear) and I am totally happy about having a small dog,,,until someone knocks on the door and he barks then runs like hell to take cover under the couch. LOL he is more scared of stuff than I am. I do admit that Wolfie is cute.
    As for buying dogs out the shelter did you know it is no longer something like $20 to get one from them but more like $200??? And here (NC)they want you to fill out an application and then they want to do a home visit. All that for a mutt? Are they kidding me??? No thanks. You did the right thing by buying him from a breeder. I hope it was not a puppy mill though.

    • Leila says:

      Well, yes and no to it being the right thing to buy him from a breeder. Although I do think the shelters are making it harder for the average Joe to just take home a dog, the truth is, there are so many people who go IN to get a dog and they have no idea what they’re getting into, or they’re getting an animal – cat OR dog – for the wrong reasons, and that animal ends up out on the street or mistreated. So I think they want to be sure that these animals are really going somewhere where they will have a home. Also, most of the shelters run on donations and the money they ask for helps to cover the costs to run the place. So I do get the severe uptick in pricing. The BREEDER – Jesus, what a joke. I am CHOOSING to believe that the guy was not malicious, just negligent. That belief allows me to retain some of my anger and rage without totally blowing a fucking gasket. But even neglect is bad. The dog was almost HALF the recommended weight for his age when we got him. HALF. Shots, half-assed. Birthdate, they couldn’t fucking remember. And you’re a BREEDER? A reputable breeder knows as much about his puppies as a human mother knows about her child. Some breeders will even make you sign papers pledging to bring the dog BACK to them if you no longer want it, and they will call to check in on their pups. It sounds crazy, but it’s not so much about control as just wanting to be sure that the damn dog is well-taken care of and wanted, and not going to end up in a dogfight making some idiot money. I totally get that. So…this guy…he can call himself a breeder all he wants. That’s not what the name I call him when I think of how he treated this dog and his business.