February 8th, 2013
Okay, I know I should stop bitching, because it IS winter, and it IS February.
I DON’T CARE.
I HATE SNOW.
It’s lovely to look at, if by look at you understand me to mean gazing at a picture of it as I sit on the beach of some Caribbean island drinking a pina colada, heavy on the rum, thank you. In that situation, snow is LOVELY.
It is also lovely if it comes the day before Christmas and immediately melts the day after.
But this crap right here that we are getting now?
Because then, you see, at some point…I have to GO OUT in it. EMERGE, as it were, from my cocoon of warmth and happiness into cold white crap that will be beautiful only until a dog or a drunk person pees on it, or the cars drive it into brown slush.
And what’s with Nemo? I read/heard/hallucinated that they are calling this storm Nemo. Who the fuck calls anything Nemo anymore? There was Captain Nemo, okay. Then, because no one reads anymore and most people have never even HEARD of Captain Nemo, they were able to give the name to someone else, so then there was Nemo of Pixar fame, and that pretty much sealed the deal on Nemo as far as I was concerned. How are you going to name something Nemo when that name is associated with a very cute clownfish? Nemo? Really? Nathaniel, Nate, Nick, Nestor, Nicodemus, Ned, Noah, Nigel, NONE of those names came to mind. You just go STRAIGHT to a name that has already been imprinted in our minds as belonging to a cartoon. NO ONE IN THAT MEETING THOUGHT, GEE, THIS NAME INSTANTLY MAKES ME THINK OF A LOST FISH. I mean, I know weather people might be a bunch of geeky nerds, but what ROCK did you have to be hiding under for the last DECADE to not know that everyone thinks of Nemo as a CUTE FUCKING FISH, NOT A BLIZZARD THAT WILL INCONVENIENCE YOUR LIFE AND BE A BIG NUISANCE?
Gee…what time is it? Methinks it’s time for my afternoon quaff, while I sit here and watch NEMO go to work. You know what, weather people? Fuck you. I am not calling this storm NEMO. Whoever you all are, you NE some MO sense. Go catch up on the zeitgeist and get back to us when you’re caught up. It’s almost 3:00 in the afternoon, and I’m going to put back on my pajamas.