February 23rd, 2013
Really. I am.
I work SO FUCKING HARD to make sure my kids are NOT twats. They are not perfect. NO one is perfect. But they know to say please and thank you. They know not to be greedy. They know not to be rude to other people. They know not to be mean and nasty to other kids. They know that when you say rude things to someone it hurts. They know that if for some reason you are rude or say something hurtful you FUCKING APOLOGIZE.
They know all this, because I MAKE SURE THEY FUCKING KNOW THIS. It’s my fucking JOB.
Wednesday was Punksin’s birthday. She had swim practice, so I bought cupcakes for her to share with her teammates after practice. (I know, not the best post-workout recovery food, but these kids are between 7 and 11 years old. Their recovery is pretty much guaranteed.)
So I take in cupcakes. On any given day, a few of the kids don’t show up, but given that it was the last practice before Championships, which is coming up this weekend, I figured most of them would be there.
I also had a few extra for those children that are not on the team but that we’ve become friendly with. Punksin’s best friend on the team has a little brother, and he has become close with Pudding. That’s great, I had no problem sharing a cupcake with him. Her OTHER close friend on the team has an older sister; we’ve become friendly with their parents and the older sister is nice so, cupcake for her, okay. Then the Silver Team practices at the same time and we’ve become friendly with a family on that team and supportive of their kids, so I wanted to give their two boys cupcakes as well. Part of the reason I like the PARENTS is that these are all nice kids. They KNOW my daughter and they are nice to her and my son.
Cupcake sharing time comes, and here come a goddamn HERD of little siblings, asking for cupcakes. And you know what? It isn’t just that that I minded…although I DID mind that. Because I’ve taught MY son that when other people bring in cupcakes or Munchkins from Dunkin Donuts or whatever for the team, that he is to SIT HIS ASS DOWN WITH ME and not go begging like he’s goddamn homeless. He’s not ON the fucking team; just because he is there observing his sister practice does not mean he automatically gets whatever the team is sharing out. I have explained to him that there are times when he will not be able to do or have what his sister does or has. And vice versa. They’re SIBLINGS, not fucking Siamese twins. And they’re both old enough now to understand that.
But no one else is teaching their kids this apparently!! We live in an age of put your kids first in everything and give them whatever the fuck they want and don’t teach them any goddamn manners and don’t EVER say the word no, so here come all these siblings. Okay, I could MAYBE suck that up. But what REALLY pissed me off, is that some of these kids are not only NOT FRIENDS with Punksin OR Pudding, but some of these fucking twatty kids have actually been MEAN TO PUDDING. And yet here they come, tramping down the stairs to get cupcakes.
And I wanted to say “FUCK YOU” to all of them. And their lazy ass fucking parents are sitting up in the stands, just letting their kids come up and ask for shit that they have no business asking for. I don’t even know the fucking PARENTS, but they have no problem sending their shitty little kids down. And I held out as long as I could, I was ready to give the cupcakes to the fucking mice in the WALLS if I had to, but finally it was becoming painfully obvious to ME at least, that I was holding out, and I caved. Because I didn’t want to be RUDE. Ain’t THAT some shit? Here I am, I don’t want to be rude by pointedly NOT giving shit to kids who really had no business asking for the shit they were asking for.
And it really pissed me off. Even a mother came down asking, very politely and OH so apologetically, if there was an extra for her son. Now, I like this woman, and I like her daughter, who is a pleasant, polite child. But her son is a fucking TWAT who is the most miserable little shit walking the earth, and he’s mean to my SON. NO, I don’t want to give him a goddamn cupcake, and even although I like her, I’m annoyed at her for asking, because the I’m-so-sorry-I’m-asking face she made means she knew that really, she had no business asking for one.
I’ve been trying to shake this off and be Zen about it. I’ve been trying to convince myself that, by giving these fuckers cupcakes, I was being the bigger person. But I’m not really convinced of that. I am tired of subsidizing other people’s bad ass shitty kids and reinforcing that it doesn’t matter if you’re a shithead, you’ll still get whatever you want. That shit doesn’t fly with MY kids, why the fuck should I be paying my money to teach it to YOURS? Of course, there are kids on the team that Punksin is not so fond of, but that I can stomach, I bought the cupcakes for the TEAM, and I wasn’t going to single out TEAMMATES. THAT would be rude. As far as the siblings I AM fond of, I was prepared to hand out their cupcakes discreetly. But it turned into a fucking circus with all these kids coming down, and I was horrified, because I would NEVER EVER EVER allow my children to do that. And I realized I’m not happy about it. So, I had to write about it here, and I also had to figure out how to let it go.
How am I letting it go? By planning ahead of time how I will deal with this NEXT year.
NEXT year, I will bring in cupcakes for the team again. But I will send out an email beforehand and explain to parents that the cupcakes are for team members ONLY, and that it would be easier and less disappointing for all other parties involved if they kept their FUCKING TWATTY KIDS UP IN THE STANDS when the cupcakes are being distributed, so that I don’t have to say NO I’m SORRY YOU CAN’T HAVE ONE, because that IS what I will say. And I will still give extra cupcakes to the children that PUNKSIN is friendly with and that are nice to HER AND MY SON, because that is MY AND HER FUCKING PREROGATIVE TO DO SO. Yes, I know it SEEMS unfair. I don’t GIVE A SHIT.
So that’s NEXT year. I’m already drafting the email. I HAVE to, or this shit will stick in my craw and make me ill.
As much as steam was coming out of my ass with this bullshit, it actually got pretty amusing at one point, however, because another kid from the Silver team came and asked, very politely, if he could have one.
He’s 11. I’ve never even SEEN this kid before, but he is friends with one of the two kids on the Silver team that I gave a cupcake to. I guess he thought that entitled him to a cupcake.
I just looked at him.
“Do you even KNOW whose birthday it is?” I asked.
“No,” he admitted sheepishly.
“Zack, this is Punksin. Punksin, this is Zack. Now you know each other,” I said. Both kids laughed.
“Okay, next? You could at least say Happy Birthday. If you’re coming over here for birthday cupcakes from someone you don’t even KNOW, that’s the LEAST YOU COULD DO,” I said.
“Happy birthday, Punksin,” he said, with a grin.
“AWESOME! NOW, you can have a cupcake!” I said, handing one over.
He said thank you and went on his way. That situation actually didn’t bother me as much because I was able to handle it better since he’s an older child. But these 4 and 5-year olds, how am I supposed to handle it when they’re GLARING up at me, some of them, and I want to shove a cupcake in their face?
So that’s what’s happening next year, the email to
teach people how to raise their fucking kids prep everyone up ahead of time. I’m not doing that to myself again. I thought about it and for a minute I said, okay, I could just get enough cupcakes for everyone. But FUCK that. I don’t know how many siblings everyone has. No. KEEP YOUR FUCKING KIDS AWAY FROM THE CUPCAKES. That’s IT. Everyone can’t have everything. I teach MY kids that and I’m sorry but I’m about to teach your kids that shit too, and if it’s too hard for you to handle then tell your older child not to get one and then BOTH of your kids can go CUPCAKE-less. I’m putting the onus for this crap BACK on the parents where it belongs.
Let that be a lesson to you: if your kid is an asshole, I will not be giving him/her cupcakes. If you’re not SURE if your kid is an asshole or not, chances are, he is. Because you should KNOW.
- You Don’t Want Your Kids To Mess With My Kids (drinkleidownpassout.com)