December 6th, 2012
We were driving home from – where else, swim practice – the other day, when Punksin noticed a dearth of holiday lights on the houses we were passing.
“Mommy, how come a lot of these houses don’t have up Christmas lights?” she asked.
“Because everyone’s too fucking broke from RunMotherFuckerRunRainPocalypse Sandy,” is what I SHOULD have said, but better sense prevailed.
“Well, not everyone wants to put up lights,” I said, merely meaning that some people choose to decorate and others don’t.
“Oh yeah,” she replied. “Maybe they’re Hannukan.”
There you go, Jewish people. If you ever feel unsafe and you want to sidestep the whole Jewish thing because you don’t want to get picked last in dodgeball or, shall we say, KILLED, but you still don’t want to feel like you TOTALLY wussed out because it sort of sucks to be all Jewish and proud and then when the shit hits the fan you’re all like, who me, Jewish, no way, that menorah-looking thing is really a Kwanzaa candle-holder, well now, you can just tell people you’re HANUKKAN. It’s like a code word or something. OTHER Jewish people will know what you’re talking about but hopefully the non-Hannukan psycho bastards that want to hurt you won’t.
I’m so glad I could help.