Some of Us Are Dead in the Water, And Some of Us Ain’t


I don’t know if this happens to other people, but I get where I’m so tired that I can’t eat.

This little quirk of mine is an awesome weight-maintenance tool. That, and the complete lack of desire for food when I’m stressed, which, given how often I get stressed, also helps me to stay at college-level weight, give or take 5 pounds.

Today, I ate breakfast at about 2:00 p.m. And I haven’t eaten since.

Exhaustion, not stress.

So, anyhow, let me get to the fucking point here before I keel over onto the keyboard.

Dead in the water: that would be the two fish the kids got earlier in the week when we went to a Family Talk at the Meadowlands Environmental Center about building a home aquarium. WORST TALK EVER. I mean, it was interesting, but this guy clearly forgot that he was talking to kids. He was an older retired man who got waaaay into his slideshow about his garage-turned-aquarium, and he was just talking about 1000 miles over these kids’ heads. Obviously he didn’t hear the classic sounds of boredom: the shuffling feet, the fidgeting in the chairs, the increasing whispering. I mean, one kid actually raised his hand and asked “When are we going to get to build the aquarium?” and then his mom was shuttling  him out of the room all apologetically and meanwhile, I’m thinking, kid, I have the SAME FUCKING QUESTION.

And they never DID get to build a fucking aquarium. I mean, come on, people, you ask kids to show up and just sit there and listen to this dry shit? Really?

It was a shitty night weather-wise, which meant only a few families showed up, so the 12 fish that they had to raffle off ended up being given out to the 12 kids that showed up. That was the only redeeming factor about the whole night, although I had serious reservations about it, due to prior experience. I warned the kids that…this might not go too well.

And ours are already dead.


People always talk about these bettas as though they are the easiest fish in the world to take care of. This is our second set of bettas, and this will be our LAST set of bettas. Pudding’s died yesterday, and Punksin’s died today.

The good news is that both of the kids took this in stride. Last time, it was major tears and Punksin was pretty much on the couch in quiet grief all day.

Today, she shrugged and went to flush Puffer, as she’d dubbed him, down the toilet. I heard her saying “Good bye” and next thing she was laughing and telling me she’d called him “Flusher” by accident.

No more fucking bettas. I would love to get an aquarium but it’s going to have to be one of those deals where the people come in and clean the tank and basically help the fish to stay alive despite my complete incompetence.

So that was that.

Who was NOT dead in the water?


Go Punksin! Go Punksin! It’s your birthday! It’s your birthday!

She had her 3rd meet today.

Can you say…FUCKING AWESOME, boys and girls?

From a times standpoint, she shaved 6 seconds off of 2 events and 2 seconds off the 3rd. From a place standpoint, she came in 3rd in 2 heats and 2nd in another one.

I was so so happy for her.


So today? Today was a good day.

As I said, I just wanted her to do better to feel better about herself and her performance.

Still no medals though and that was a downer for her, because what happens is, they run all the heats, compile all the times, and that IS your final. So although she did well in her heats, she still wasn’t in the top 6 for the overall event. BUT…she wasn’t last in any of them either. And as we looked at the sheets with the final results, we saw all the DQs and she saw for herself that it happens all over, all the time.

We even stayed for the second session to watch some of the bigger kids and it was pretty exciting. We were sitting less than 2 feet away from the pool so when some of those 15, 16, 17-year old boys came powering down lane 6, the lane closest to us, doing the butterfly, well, we got plenty splashed. I made myself hoarse screaming for our team. And it was great for Punksin to see how fast the older girls stroke. Also we saw some of them getting DQed too and she saw…it happens to everyone, not just little 8-year old girls who are new to competing.

But she HERSELF moved faster today. Today, Punksin looked as though she was COMPETING. Especially in her breaststroke, which is the one I saw most clearly, since I worked the event. She was powering through, up, down, up, down, but she looked like someone who knew there were girls to the right, girls to the left, and a wall to get to with the quickness. She was ON.

It was awesome.

I am exhausted, but I am…happy. My daughter had a good day. Tomorrow I have annoying things to deal with that I already know I will need to dig deep into my Zen place to deal with, but today…today was a good day.

And for that I am truly grateful.

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