Pet Peeve #531

Shipping lies.

Yeah, you read that right. SHIPPING LIES. Not LINES. LIES.

I do most of my shopping online because the truth of the matter is, I hate shopping. Get in the car, DRIVE to a mall, walk AROUND AND AROUND IN FUCKING CIRCLES trying to find some shit that either does not exist, thanks to my eclectic tastes, or exists in every size but the one I need.

I can do achieve that same level of dissatisfaction sitting on my couch. And more often than not, I can actually FIND the thing I am looking for.

So all of that is to say, I do lots of online shopping.

What I have noticed recently is that a lot of companies now like to Keep In Touch with you about your order. They send you an email to let you know they received the order! Yay! They send you another email when it’s been shipped! Yay! And then they send you another email to update you on the shipping status so you Won’t Get Worried. Isn’t that SO NICE of them, to be SO CONCERNED?

Well, yes, it WOULD be, except that EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I get an email from these clowns to let me know that my package will be at my doorstep ANY DAY NOW…

THE FUCKING PACKAGE HAS ALREADY ARRIVED.

I know. This should not bother me, right? It would be worse if they sent me an email telling me it was here and there was no package, I grant you that. But why is it that EVERY COMPANY is doing this? It’s like a fucked-up version of under-promise, over-deliver, and I was in sales long enough to get that, but COME ON. This is bullshit. It’s like they want me to be all “oh! that’s so awesome that it actually got here before it was supposed to!!!” when I’m really more like, “why are these fuckers telling me to look out for a package that’s ALREADY IN MY HOUSE? Why do they think I am THAT STUPID? They KNOW it’s here. But they want to look good so they’ll tack on an extra few days and think it makes them look good that the shit is HERE already. FUCK YOU.”

I know. It’s a lame pet peeve, as pet peeves go, but it just smacks of more “let’s-fool-the-consumer” bullshit and I am so tired of being dicked around by corporate America, treating us as though we’re all complete fucking morons, and yes, SOME of us ARE. Some of us REALLY REALLY ARE.

But come on already.

 

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