November 9th, 2012
I owe it to some people who have voiced concern about my welfare to let them know that the tide has turned and the sheer desolation has dissipated. For now.
I cannot express how much it means to me to have people reach out. When you are complaining about loneliness, even one voice, one hand reaching out to pull you away from that OTHER hand, helps. In more ways than you can possibly imagine.
The tide was turning even before I heard from people but God did that help.
This…this is my journal of sorts. And I am never going to say to you to ignore what I write here, because as we all know, sometimes calls for help are ignored to the peril of the person calling out. But I do want to say that often, writing is, in itself, therapy for me. It is a release. That loneliness comes and goes and I KNOW that merely writing about it is not the only way to deal with it. But for me, it helps.
I am trying to get in touch with my insurance company today to get some psychiatrists who actually PARTICIPATE in my insurance. My GP keeps recommending people who do not take insurance at all. The fact that she keeps doing this makes me think i need a new doctor who LISTENS. I know that often enough, the best doctors don’t participate in any insurance plans; you just pay them and, in my case, wait for insurance to reimburse me at the out-of-network rate. That so stinks.
Anyhow, I really wanted to say…thank you. It means the world to me to see a candle in the darkness, being held in the hand of someone who cares. It helps. It really really helps.