November 28th, 2012
Have you seen that commercial for Sinus Buster? The one where the medicine is played by a Mack Truck and they showing it busting through a wall?
Yeah. That one.
You may recall that my sinuses are evil and trying to kill me, since I wrote about it in a post called, oddly enough, My Sinuses Are Evil and They’re Trying To Kill Me.
So Punksin saw the commercial and ran to me excitedly.
“Mommy! Mommy! There’s this thing? And it’s called something like Ghostbusters? And it’s supposed to be really good for sinus problems and you ALWAYS have sinus problems so you should GET it.”
Somewhere in the back of my mind, something was niggling. A..distant memory somewhere…about…something.
I opened the closet where I keep all my
illegal mind-altering drugs medicine and lo and behold, what did I see? SINUS FUCKING BUSTER. Apparently, I had purchased the damn thing way back and just…never used it. I’m thinking my reason for NOT using it had something to do with the warning on the label:
Upon initial use, you will experience a powerful sensation which last for a few seconds. This sensation is inherent to the process that allows the capsaicin to work. Temporary discomfort such as burning, stinging, sneezing, or an increase in nasal discharge may result.
Yes. This certainly gave me pause. For those of you who are blissfully ignorant, capsaicin is what makes peppers hot. So basically, this was going to be like stuffing jalapenos up my nose.
But, my daughter was urging me to try it, since she knows how much excruciating pain my sinuses give me, so….
I took a deep breath and gave it a shot.
Perhaps, sometime over the last week or so, you have been sitting quietly at your desk doing work. Or maybe you were playing with your own kids. Perhaps, you were at a music concert, or a jazz club. Maybe you were driving on your way somewhere, listening to NPR on the radio. Maybe you were fast asleep, dreaming peaceful dreams or wonderful dreams of winning Powerball. Maybe you were at church listening to a sermon. Or at school listening to a lecture. Maybe you were at Starbucks writing, or in conversation with a good friend over a venti double mocha soy latte with sprinkles on top. Maybe you were in your kitchen cooking, or deeply engaged with a good book. Maybe you were cleaning your house, or washing the dog, or at the movies with your significant other.
And somewhere, deep in one of those moments, you…stopped. You cocked your head to one side, a bit…puzzled. Puzzled as to why, in the midst of whatever it was you were doing, you heard…something. An…ODD sound. Something that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. What was that, you wondered to yourself. And just when you were about to shrug your shoulders and accept that you’d been hearing things, there it was, again, that…noise, that sounded vaguely like…
a bellowing BULL?
That was ME, people. THAT. WAS. ME.
I can’t say I wasn’t warned. They did mention a “powerful sensation,” but hell, an orgasm is a powerful sensation and I don’t complain about THOSE. THIS? THIS RIGHT HERE? This was like someone had taken two hot pokers straight from the fire, and SHOVED THEM UP MY FUCKING NOSE.
I’m not really sure how it helped. Or IF it helped. Yes, the weird pain in my sinuses subsided, but it was replaced by the aforementioned POWERFUL SENSATION, which was akin to being SCALPED ALIVE. I swear, it felt as though my nose was on fire, and my scalp was being peeled back. I was literally ON MY TIPPY TOES, HOLDING ONTO THE SINK (I am not sure how that was supposed to help), and BELLOWING FOR BLOODY MURDER. So what you heard, people, was ME.
The pain did temporarily go away. Then I had another sinus attack about 2 days ago, and I tried it again, and went through the SAME shit, except this time when my scalp finally felt like it had been sewn back onto my head, my sinuses still hurt. In ONE FUCKING SESSION, they have ADAPTED, people. My sinuses are like mutating viruses or something. They are not the LEAST bit fazed by this SinusBuster nonsense.
So, I’m not endorsing it, but I’m not against it either. Maybe it will work for some people. Maybe there are some people who like the thrill of feeling like their freaking brains are on fire, and if you’re one of those, I’m here to tell you, you don’t need to eat spicy food, just get SinusBusters and send that shit on the express track STRAIGHT TO YOUR BRAIN, and you’ll be thrilled.
- Your Questions About: Diarrhea After Quitting Weed (smokebloke.com) (no, this is not even REMOTELY related, except maybe in the fact that we’re both discussing physical ailments. that’s about it. But how could I fail to promote a post entitled “Your Questions About Diarrhea After Quitting Weed”? I mean, really? This is mind-blowing to me. Does that really happen? I’ve never smoked weed myself (I know, hard to believe, but true), so I’m not very up on either the effects OR the withdrawal symptoms. Diarrhea? Wow. That sucks. Sounds like you need to keep smoking, dude. Seriously.