November 6th, 2012
It’s been a long time, huh.
So much has happened I dont even quite know where to begin.
Living in NJ, we got pretty badly hit by Hurricane Sandy. WE as in the state, but our house suffered minimal damage and we only lost power for 19 hours. We still have no cable or internet, which is why I have not been posting, but I am finally doing it via my iPhone, which is extremely frustrating given the apparent deterioration of my fine-motor skills. My once quick and nimble fingers are slow and they make frequent mistakes which gets me so frustrated that I am often on the verge of either throwing the phone or crying or both. This paragraph right here took WAY too long to produce.
Other weird things: sometimes I forget how to do basic things. I mean, REALLY FUCKING BASIC, things that normal people dont have to think about.
Like walking down the stairs. More and more often I go to walk or, sometimes, run down the stairs – cuz I’m still nimble like that – and halfway down I will literally FORGET what I need to be doing. This usually either results in a crash landing or me coming to a screeching halt mid-staircase while I try to REMEMBER how to get to the bottom.
The dizzy spells have abated for now, but they are replaced with frequent blinding headaches that render me useless, and they drain my energy. It feels as though someone has peeled my scalp back and exposed it to the elements or little gnomes with hammers.
What else? Well, I told you that the Tech Guru bought me an SUV as an early birthday present. My second request MAY be forthcoming.
This is where we are running into…problems. We havent totally discussed it but from April he seemed accepting of it and now…now its a different story. And because that reluctance seems based on ME, I’m a little hurt and confused and…thoughtful. I almost dont want to have that talk because if certain things are said it will lead to certain reactions from me amd frankly, I’m twitching enough inexplicably. I dont need to add more fuel to the fire.
And of course its fucking November and that is always tough and this year, 6 days in, I’m already frazzled.
I am trying to channel that energy back into my writing, all the bad shit and the bad feelings, the physical pain and confusion, the emotional turmoil.
But right now I have to stop writing because this SIMPLE SHIT is taking me forever and sending me into the stratosphere.
If you were in Sandy’s path, I hope you are okay. And if you are not but you are in NJ or NY, let me know how I can help.
Quickly, before I forget how to drive.