November 18th, 2012
Now, don’t ask me what the hell that means, cuz I really don’t know.
What I HAVE been told is that mercury in retrograde leads to all kinds of miscommunications and misunderstandings and just oddness in general.
Which makes sense, considering the past couple of days. I’ve been getting annoyed by people I like and – and THIS is the weird part – making nicey-nice with people I normally cannot stand.
Mind you, there are some people/relationships for which Mercury in retrograde explains NOTHING. What I was referring to yesterday was not a mercury in retrograde problem; it was a lifelong problem. As far as I know, mercury doesn’t stay in retrograde for millenia at a time. But, Mercury being in retrograde certainly doesn’t help to bring peace to relationships that are already fraught with problems.
But it could explain a misunderstanding that happened yesterday that happened with an old high school friend, who had the good grace to apologize immediately after it happened. That’s what I’m talking about: a 2-way street of SINCERE regrets, not okay-I’ll-sit-here-on-my-throne-in-my-fog-of-self-righteousness. Arguments take 2 people and apologies usually take 2 as well.
It was only after I bemoaned the oddness of the universe that another dear friend immediately told me about the Mercury in retrograde stuff. I asked her when it would be over. She said November 26th.
Which means that even DURING my birthday Mercury will be in retrospect or retrofit or retro-whatever-the-fuck-it-is. Which is fine, because I was planning to keep a very low profile on that day anyhow.
Yesterday I ALMOST descended into a funk. ALMOST. I got very upset about not being pregnant. Because I wanted to be pregnant precisely so I could be overwhelmed with love, and realizing that I was NOT pregnant in great part because of the Tech Guru’s reluctance made me descend into feelings of unworthiness, which made me start to make the colossal mistake of taking on more blame than I need to in certain situations because I was doubting my value in the world, which made me start to question my existence, and yadda yadda yadda.
I took a Klonopin to bring that shit to a crashing halt.
That helped. I feel better today. I know the pendulum will be doing a LOT of swinging in the week to come, so I have pledged to myself to lay very very low and keep to myself. Not because I AM depressed, but because I want to AVOID depression, and it only began yesterday when I was explaining to my sister and a girlfriend of mine why I thought I could be pregnant and how it felt to discover I wasn’t and that…I probably wouldn’t be ever again. All those eggs…unfulfilled.
I also want to avoid any more miscommunications, particularly with people I really care about. So I’m going to be pretty much AWOL until…well, for a while.
I sat at my altar and prayed early yesterday evening, sending positive vibes and good energy to the people with whom I always seem to lock horns. I prayed for their happiness, I prayed that I would seek less understanding, love and acceptance, and just learn to live in my own peace. Because what I said yesterday about peace beginning within applies no less to me than it does to anyone else. I know what my innermost fears and insecurities are, and I am beginning to understand some incredibly unique and powerful ways to grind them into dust and watch them blow away on the wind…
Who knows what the week will bring from me to you, so here’s to a Happy Thanksgiving. May you have much to be thankful for already, and may there be much more to come.
“Gratitude is medicine for a heart devastated by tragedy. If you can only be thankful for the blue sky, then do so.” ~Richelle E. Goodrich
- Mercury Retrograde Can Be a Great Time for Healing (attentiontoliving.wordpress.com)
- Mercury Retrograde November 6, 2012 – November 26, 2012 (kevinhunter.wordpress.com)
- The General Theme of This Mercury Retrograde from November 6 – November 26 2012 (alignedformercuryretrograde.com)
- Mercury in Retrograde (angelicsoulutions.wordpress.com)
- How to make it through Mercury Retrograde (rappler.com)