Why I Absolutely LOVE The Whistle Song

I don’t know what your musical tastes run to, but mine are all over the place. I love music, period.

And now Punksin and Pudding do too.

Of course, in my perfect world, they would absolutely LOVE the music of the 70s and 80s the way I do, but I have to let them live in the world they’ve been born in, to some extent. And of course, the more they are out in the world, the more they hear.

But DAMMIT, every FUCKING song these days is about sex. EVERY. FUCKING. SONG.

And it really pisses me off, because although I am not a HUGE fan of today’s music, there are some songs whose bass lines really move me or whose rhythms just feel GOOD. Yes, I still blast my car stereo like a teenager. There’s nothing I love better than a long drive and my iPod. That right there, is soothing to me.

But when the kids are in the car, all of a sudden I have to be ultra-careful about what they are hearing. It’s like I have to be the goddamn Lyric Police.

That song “Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5? My kids love that song. And here are some of the lyrics:

Take me by the tongue
And I’ll know you
Kiss me ’til you’re drunk
And I’ll show you

Actually, this whole kissing/having sex while completely fucked up seems to be a recurring theme. Those Maroon 5 lyrics are actually pretty mild in comparison to some of the shit out there. And don’t get me wrong! I’m all for getting fucked up and having good sex, but…I don’t really feel the need to write a song about it, somehow. And I definitely don’t want my kids to HEAR a song about it. Or SING a song about it.

You know that song by Usher? “Scream?” Great dance song, actually, can really get you moving. But if you think the song is about a horror movie, you really need to get with the program:

I see you over there, so hypnotic
Thinking ’bout what I do to that body
I get you like ooh baby baby
Ooh baby baby, ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby baby
Got no drink in my hand
But I’m wasted
Getting drunk at the thought of you naked
I get you like ooh baby baby
Ooh baby baby, ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby baby

And I ain’t trying to fight it, to fight it
But you’re so magnetic, magnetic
Got one life, just live it, just live it
Now relax and get on your back

If you wanna scream, yeah
Let me know and I’ll take you there
Get you going like ah-ooh
Baby baby ooh baby baby
Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby
If you want it done right
Hope you’re ready to go all night
Get you going like ah-ooh
Baby baby ooh baby baby
Ah-ooh baby baby ooh baby

And my kids LOVE this song. Watching my 5-year old son sing “ooh baby baby, ooh baby baby” is, admittedly, freaking hilarious, because he has no idea what the fuck he’s talking about and he (hopefully) doesn’t totally understand the rest of the lyrics. But Punksin is 8. And while she might still be innocent enough to think that getting on your back means you’re getting a massage, she might be starting to wonder what getting drunk at the thought of you naked is really all about, and what going all night really means. I do NOT want to explain that shit to her. Not now. (Really, not EVER.)

At risk of sounding like a total old fart, the lyrics today are not suave. They’re not covert. They’re not seductive. They’re not smooth. People want to drink and fuck, and they’re just putting it out there. Old school lyrics are like the guy in the bar who comes over, and buys you a drink, and smooth talks you. You can tell he’s interested by the way he’s looking at you, but he’s being respectful. He’s working his way in slowly, trying to seduce you. He wants you physically, no doubt about it, but maybe, if things go well, maybe the two of you will even fall in love.

Today’s lyrics are the guy in the bar who comes over but he doesn’t buy you a drink; your thirst issues are not his problem. He very obviously looks you up and down, and runs his tongue over his lips as though he’s looking at a fucking porterhouse steak.  He might ask you if you “got a man,” but truth be told, he doesn’t really GIVE a shit. To him, you are not beautiful, or sexy, or stunning. You are just, as the saying goes…a piece of ass. Your vagina, your mouth, and what you can do to him with those are really all he cares about. He does not want to get to know you better, except in the Biblical sense. What he wants, is sex, and to his credit, at least he’s not trying to pretend he wants anything else. He’s not asking for your number because he is never going to call you. Whatever is going to happen, is going to go down tonight, or he’s moving on, and really, he won’t give you a second thought.

Some of the women today are getting in on the act too. They are bold. They will take you home, get down and dirty,  and then kick you the fuck out and leave you wondering how the tables got turned so viciously. And I will admit, that I love that women can have that outlook. It’s about fucking TIME, I say. Why do we always have to be looking to put someone on lockdown? Maybe we just want to have fun too, with no strings attached, and walk away when we’re done.

But again…I don’t feel the need to write a song about it.

Then, we have “The Whistle Song.”

The first time I heard it, I didn’t even really pay attention to the lyrics. The whistling part was pretty catchy and upbeat and even cute. I actually remember thinking, this is cute! A song about whistling! Whatever!

DUH.

Then, I really listened to the words.

I LOVE THIS FUCKING SONG.

Why? Because my kids can sing this song, and not have ONE FUCKING CLUE what it is about.

The verses go by too fast for them to understand what the hell Flo Rida is saying. All they know is the chorus:

Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I’m gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go

This is just PRICELESS. My kids think this song is about BLOWING A FUCKING WHISTLE.

I. LOVE. THIS. SONG.

I love that I can turn this song up to all on my stereo, and my 2 munchkins are sitting in the back seat singing a song about WHISTLING, while the Tech Guru and I are sitting in the front singing the SAME SONG… about SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY.

Why can’t more people do this? Flo-Rida somehow managed to pull off a song with a really catchy tune, and lyrics that are suggestive. Not BLATANT, SUGGESTIVE. I mean, if you know what he means, then he IS really getting to the point, but because of what he’s saying (and, of course, that catchy whistling), it sounds like a song…about whistling. No bitches or hos. No getting on your back or your knees. No getting naked, no getting drunk, no booty calls, no waking up next to strangers whose names you can’t remember. In short, lyrics your kids can sing without making you cringe.

Now, I will NOT be letting them watch the VIDEO. My kids don’t watch videos anyhow; to be honest, I don’t think they know videos even exist. (So much for letting them grow up in the world they were born into, huh…) And that is for pretty much the same reason: so many videos are like rated R or MA movies. Too much skin, too many women walking around wearing next to nothing and being fondled, just too much sexiness going on in a way I find entirely inappropriate for children. It’s just…not what I want my kids to see.

But YOU? You can see it right here:

 

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