Momma Don’t Need a New Pair of Shoes, She Needs a Car

OMG, I feel like a chicken running around with its head cut off.

There was getting the kids INTO school and getting all their shots and paperwork up to date.

Then, there was getting them right the hell back OUT, happy happy joy joy.

Now there’s paperwork for Pudding’s new school, which I really would have liked him to start on October 1st but now I’m aiming for the middle of the month.

And, the search for a new car, which is something that requires intense research.

First I have to settle on what I want, and assuming that the Tech Guru drives it to work, gas mileage is going to be a major factor, unless he takes our current car and I drive the new one. Either way, who wants a shitty MPG?

Then there’s the price negotiation, which I actually refuse to do. I do not do negotiation. I find the car I want, I test drive it, I find the dealer price of the car, not the sticker price, I take out stupid shit like destination fees, because that is the biggest crock of scam shit I have ever encountered. What the fuck are destination fees? They had to get the car to where they needed to sell it ANYHOW, right? Why do I have to pay that shit? No. Unless they are driving the car to MY HOUSE and parking it in MY GARAGE and bringing ALL the paperwork to me, on my couch, with a cup of tea,  so that I can purchase the car without even taking off my friggin jammies or looking away from the TV, there will be no destination fees, thank you. And VIN etching, I hope none of you pay for foolishness like VIN etching or car mats or cargo nets, because those are all marked up, and even if you DO want them, there is no reason to roll them into your loan (if you have one) and pay any interest on something that you can buy with cash. And VIN etching you can do yourself. So fuck all of that.

So with all that done, I settle on the price I WANT TO PAY FOR THE CAR. And then, that’s what I will be paying. Period. Last time we bought a car, we NEEDED a car, but I didn’t let THEM know that. Because guess what? Even if you DO need a car, you don’t need THAT car. From THAT dealer. You let them know you NEED it and they think that because you NEED it, you’ll be willing to suck up their bullshit. And even if you aren’t, you’ll waste a lot of unnecessary time because they will hold firm when they need to fold and you’ll end up going somewhere else. So if people don’t come to where I want them to be, I keep it moving. I’m not sitting around haggling and playing games and waiting for some sales rep to “talk to the manager.” Bring the fucking manager to me and let me talk to him myself. If he can’t do what I need to do, I’m out the door within 30 minutes.

As I’ve said about countless other things, I do NOT have time to waste.

It actually worked out pretty well for us last time because I knew what car I wanted, with what FEATURES, and although the dealer close to us had the car I wanted, the models they had in inventory did not include all of the features I wanted. So I took my price that I was willing to pay, which I did not show THEM, and then made an offer lower than that for the car they had, since what they had did not have all of the features.  Once they accepted my offer…I told them I had to think about it. Then, I went on the internet, and searched within 75 miles for a car that had EXACTLY what I wanted, called that dealer, and told them they had a car that I would buy that day at X dollars, which was actually the price I would have paid for the car with FEWER features. At first the sales rep said yes, but then I let him understand that the ONLY thing I would be adding to that was sales tax. No car destination fees. Ridiculous. He started to hem and haw until I told him that I had a check in my hand, and that if he would give me that price, I would come and get the car before they closed – it was early evening. I didn’t need to test drive, I didn’t need to do anything except buy the car, so it was up to him if I was going to be buying it with him or somewhere else. Which was true. Because the features I wanted were not NECESSITIES, and I WAS prepared to go back and get the other car if need be. Did I NEED a sunroof and the higher end sound system? Not really. What I NEEDED was some shit with 4 wheels and a goddamn steering wheel. I do not look at cars as status symbols. They are things that take me and my kids where we need to go. I like sun, so a sunroof is….NICE. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE music, and I love hearing it on a good sound system, so yes, I DO prefer to have my car with a good sound system. But I can always add that aftermarket if I want to. It is not a NEED. 4 wheels, a steering wheel, some seats, ABS brakes, airbags, good MPG, heat…those are my needs.

Know what your must-haves are versus your wants. See if you can get your must-haves and get the wants for nothing extra. It won’t always work, but sometimes if you are willing to walk away, it will. Especially late at night close to the end of the month, when the dealer knows it’s sell the fucking car you want or you’ll walk.

At about 8:00 that same night we were coming home with the car from a dealer that was 75 miles away.

The rep was somewhat salty when we got there. Of course he tried to ask about offering me financing and I said that had ALL been taken care of thank you very much and I just needed to get the car and get the fuck out so I could get my kids to bed. I think they get way too accustomed to fleecing people, and get annoyed when people are savvy enough to avoid that shit. As it turned out, that dealership went out of business some time later; I don’t think they were getting a lot of business. That probably helped me as well.

I’ll be looking for a similar dealership again, if possible. The smell of desperation can work both ways, people. As I said, we actually do need a car, and we need it soon, but…

THEY won’t know that. <insert evil laugh here>

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