October 13th, 2012
So I wrote a post the other day, and I was trying to include video, and it was just NOT WORKING. I used Youtube’s old code, the new code, the Morse code, any fucking code I could think of, and the damn video just would not show up.
After wasting about 30 minutes of my life on this bullshit, I finally told the Tech Guru.
Fixed in 30 seconds. AND…he was TIRED. EXHAUSTED. He practically fixed my problem IN HIS SLEEP.
I LOVE THAT.
Mr. Fucking FIX-IT, that man is, when it comes to my computer woes. I mean, honestly, it is SO DAMN AWESOME. Even that time when I threw my computer on the floor in frustration – which was one of those times when the word DIVORCE was probably rolling around in his head, if the glare he gave me was any indication – he just took a deep breath, and BOUGHT ME A NEW ONE. (Unfortunately, thanks to the superhuman strength and anger with which I hurled that fucker into the ground, even HE could not fix it.)
Then there was the time I left my computer at the airport. A new computer that he had just bought me A MONTH BEFORE.
I cried over that one, honestly, and it sent me into a total funk. Punksin was 9 months old, and I wasn’t accustomed yet to traveling with a baby, and all that baggage, and then a laptop bag on top of that. It was just way too much stuff for me to keep track of. I mean, really, half the time I can’t even find my damn PHONE, so it’s a wonder I didn’t leave Punksin at the airport along with the computer.
We got home, opened the trunk to take out the luggage, and THATS when I noticed it was missing. I hopped back in the car and drove back to the airport, a good 45 minutes away, desperately hoping that since it was like 2:00 in the morning, it MIGHT have escaped notice.
No such luck. Some lucky fuck was walking around with a new computer. And that lucky fuck was NOT ME.
What did the Tech Guru do?
He sighed. He raised his eyes to the heavens, I’m sure, in a silent prayer for strength. He may even have taken a few shots of vodka when I wasn’t looking.
But then, he turned right around…
And BOUGHT ME A NEW ONE.
Now if God would just turn me into a computer, maybe the Tech Guru could fix all the other shit that’s wrong with me.