God, Please Turn Me into a Computer

So I wrote a post the other day, and I was trying to include video, and it was just NOT WORKING. I used Youtube’s old code, the new code, the Morse code, any fucking code I could think of, and the damn video just would not show up.

After wasting about 30 minutes of my life on this bullshit, I finally told the Tech Guru.

Fixed in 30 seconds. AND…he was TIRED. EXHAUSTED. He practically fixed my problem IN HIS SLEEP.


The Tech Guru, he’s our man, if HE can’t fix it, NO ONE can. (No, seriously. If he can’t fix it, just say fuck it and throw it out, for reals.)

Mr. Fucking FIX-IT, that man is, when it comes to my computer woes. I mean, honestly, it is SO DAMN AWESOME. Even that time when I threw my computer on the floor in frustration – which was one of those times when the word DIVORCE was probably rolling around in his head, if the glare he gave me was any indication – he just took a deep breath, and BOUGHT ME A NEW ONE. (Unfortunately, thanks to the superhuman strength and anger with which I hurled that fucker into the ground, even HE could not fix it.)

Then there was the time I left my computer at the airport. A new computer that he had just bought me A MONTH BEFORE.

I cried over that one, honestly, and it sent me into a total funk. Punksin was 9 months old, and I wasn’t accustomed yet to traveling with a baby, and all that baggage, and then a laptop bag on top of that. It was just way too much stuff for me to keep track of. I mean, really, half the time I can’t even find my damn PHONE, so it’s a wonder I didn’t leave Punksin at the airport along with the computer.

We got home, opened the trunk to take out the luggage, and THATS when I noticed it was missing. I hopped back in the car and drove back to the airport, a good 45 minutes away, desperately hoping that since it was like 2:00 in the morning, it MIGHT have escaped notice.

No such luck. Some lucky fuck was walking around with a new computer. And that lucky fuck was NOT ME.

What did the Tech Guru do?

He sighed. He raised his eyes to the heavens, I’m sure, in a silent prayer for strength. He may even have taken a few shots of vodka when I wasn’t looking.

But then, he turned right around…


Now if God would just turn me into a computer, maybe the Tech Guru could fix all the other shit that’s wrong with me.

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One Response to “God, Please Turn Me into a Computer”

  1. Awww that is so sweet of your husband to be so tolerant and its always good to have a handly man around! I am not sure what blog platform you use but I know Youtube works in conjunction with wordpress and all you have to do is type in the webaddress of the video and it will play when in view mode (not edit mode). Hopefully you reported your computer to the airport lost and found. and the airline. They have toms of stuff people leave that usually goes unclaimed. How you go about claiming it I am not sure but I once lost a silver cigarette case in customs at the airport coming from Italy. I was devastated. I found they had a lost and found and when I called they told me a lot of things were there…I didn’t get it back but I thought it was interesting they had a l&f. Anyway that is just fyi just in case you need it in the future