Time To Say Goodbye

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I’ve decided that I am going to try to wean myself off of the Lexapro.

I don’t think it’s working anymore, and…I don’t want to continue taking it just because NOT taking it for a while will cause withdrawal symptoms.

I’m not sure that this is the BEST time of year for me to take this step, what with my SAD and all (Seasonal Affective Disorder), but I don’t want to go another 6-8 months on this shit. It’s been 2 years now. FUCK! I didn’t even realize it was that long until I wrote it. I started the Lexapro in September of 2010. It helped for a couple of weeks, and then maybe I stabilized, but I’m not so sure that it’s helping anymore.

So, what I’m planning is to re-up my dose of Wellbutrin: I was originally supposed to take it 2x a day but I tapered down to 1. I think I’ll go back up to 2, while slowly…..SLOWWWWLY…cutting down on the Lexapro.

From all that I’ve read, and I’ve read EXTENSIVELY on this, you cannot just STOP taking Lexapro. The withdrawal symptoms are fucking AWFUL, and I can testify to that because during my first couple of weeks taking it, I missed a day, and felt like I had the flu and needed to stab people at the same time. (Okay, not SERIOUSLY stab people, but I felt very AGITATED.) It was scary as hell and I swear if the Tech Guru ever needed some actual evidence to back up his unhappiness about me taking this shit, THAT WAS IT.

But I forged ahead anyhow.

Now, being on it for 2 years, just STOPPING one day is SO not an option. I don’t want agitation and most of all I don’t want to feel like I am experiencing electric shocks in my brain.

But, even WITH the tapering, I am preparing myself that some symptoms may rear their ugly heads. This could be a crazy ride, y’all.

To those of you that have been staunch and stalwart friends in this journey, thank you. DON’T LEAVE NOW. Even if I withdraw, even if I get irritable and insane for a bit…DON’T LEAVE ME. I AM a bitch, and this fact may be highlighted a tad, but if you know me you know that I am also loving, compassionate and loyal…so I’ll get back there or die trying. Just…stick with me.

To those of you that waved goodbye, well, fuck off and good riddance, is all I can say. People don’t realize that depression is a disease. I didn’t DECIDE to feel this way. I’m not just having a BAD DAY. Maybe it’s a chemical imbalance, and I’m pretty sure I inherited the tendency for depression from my parents, BOTH of whom were/are depressives. If this were cancer, would you have run off? But…it doesn’t matter. You did what you had to do, and now I’m doing what I have to do. When I get better, do me a favor and don’t come back. Really. I don’t need fairweather friends.

Today, I’m heading to CVS and purchasing a pill cutter. And tonight…my journey through the land of Lexapro Withdrawal begins.

God help us all.



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