What Happens When You Wake Up Momma Bear

Punksin has been attending camp for Gifted and Talented students. (Yes, thank you very much, she IS fucking awesome.)

I don’t know why I thought that somehow, because these kids would be smart and gifted and talented and in some cases, nerdy, that maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t be ASSHOLES. Or at least if they were assholes, it would be the kind of assholes that think they KNOW everything (which, I have to say, is Punksin TO A TEE). But not the kind of assholes to be mean to other kids in a bullying sort of way. I mean, this is a huge generalization, but I figured most of these kids might have been bullied themselves by virtue of being some of the best and the brightest. That was certainly MY experience in elementary and middle school.

Well, knock me down with a ham sandwich, but apparently – bullies are EVERYWHERE! Who the fuck KNEW?

Actually, I think this is less of an example of just outright bullying and more an example of little girls being pricks about their friendships. For some reason, I don’t know WHAT it is with girls of a certain age that when they develop friendships, they get very possessive. They can only be friends with ONE person. And when that ONE person develops a friendship with another little girl, the first little girl becomes a first-rate ASSHOLE.

And such has happened at Punksin’s camp.

When she arrived, there were a whole bunch of kids who didn’t know anyone. Punksin gravitated to a rather nice, tall girl who, for the sake of this post, we’ll call Rupa.

But apparently, Rupa had also befriended, prior to Punksin’s arrival, another little girl, a Chinese girl by the name of, shall we say, Mulan? (No, I’m not being racist, I’m being lazy.)

Well, MULAN did not like that Rupa became friends with Punksin, as apparently she wanted Rupa all to herself. So, she commenced on her campaign of ASSHOLEISHNESS.

First it started with the bullshit of, today I’m your friend, tomorrow I’m not. I HATE that shit. I have never understood that shit. Well, actually, NOW, I understand it. It’s all about, I really don’t like you, but I’m so fucking conflicted about it that I just don’t know how to handle it, and also, if I go about being a total PRICK, then maybe the girl whom I DO like will realize that I’m a bitch, and stop being friends with me, and I’ll be ALL ALONE.

So this happens, back and forth, day after day.

Then, Punksin stays home sick for a couple of days, and when she returns, this heifer tells Punksin “You’re bad luck.” So Punksin asks her what that means, and she says that when Punksin was home sick, everything was going fucking FINE, and now that she has returned to camp, everything is going WRONG for her. And it is apparently all Punksin’s fault. And she is not saying this jokingly, or in the way friends chide friends, but in a way that indicates that she REALLY DOES NOT LIKE her.

Punksin comes home and tells me about it.

I raise an eyebrow. I console Punksin and tell her to ignore the bitch.

And on and on it goes, day after day, some little incident which I know in the telling sounds minor, but when you’re the kid suffering through it, it’s not. Again, I know, because I’ve BEEN there.

It got to the point where Punksin wisely decided to make some other friends, since Rupa was playing blind and dumb when it came to the nonsense.

So one day, Punksin goes and has lunch with some other kids.


Then she goes to Rupa, who is sitting with Mulan because apparently she prefers the company of ASSHOLES to nice girls, and says, TO RUPA, “I hope you’re not offended that I didn’t sit with you at lunch today.

To which Rupa replies, “No! Not at all! You sit with me all the time, it’s okay to have other friends.” Nice reasonable response, wouldn’t you say?

And THEN, MULAN, to whom NONE of this had been directed, chimes in with, “I don’t care.”

Of course when Punksin comes home and tells me about it, she says, “I wasn’t even TALKING to her,” to which I replied, “And that’s EXACTLY what you should have told HER.”

Of course my maternal instincts are kicking in but I’m trying hard to just counsel my child without getting actively involved.

And then… that bitch crossed the line.

At the end of camp, all of the campers get t-shirts with the name of the program on it, and apparently it’s a tradition to get your friends there to sign your shirt.

Mulan got her shirt and asked Rupa to sign it.

Punksin asked if SHE could sign it, which I have no idea WHY the fuck she would WANT to sign that little bitch’s shirt, but I guess when you’re 8 years old, you keep trying to fit in and get people to like you, unlike me, who, after having suffered through enough bullying in elementary school, developed such a tough skin that I now go out of my way to get people NOT to like me just so I don’t have to give a fuck wondering about it later.

Anyhow, Mulan says that NO, she does NOT want Punksin signing her shirt.

Okay, that’s cool. I respect that.

Then the NEXT day, Punksin goes in with her Sharpie pen and asks Rupa to sign her shirt, which she promptly does.

Then lo and fucking BEHOLD! Here comes little Mulan saying she wants to sign Punksin’s shirt!

By now, Punksin has pretty much had enough of her bullshit, and says thanks but NO THANKS.

Mulan INSISTS that she wants to do it.

Punksin says no.

Mulan insists some more.

Punksin says NO some more.

And then, this little CUNT, TAKES MY DAUGHTER’S FUCKING SHARPIE, and proceeds to put a HUGE BLOTCH ON HER SHIRT.

Punksin came home alternately crying and furious.

Of course, there was no way I was crying. I went straight to postal and decided on behalf of my daughter, that ENOUGH WAS FUCKING ENOUGH.

So the next morning comes, and instead of dropping Punksin off as I normally do…

I park the car.

I walk my child over to the grassy area on which all the kids congregate before being led off to class by their counselors.

I see Mulan, sitting by herself on her wheeled backpack.

I go up to her.

Excuse me, are you Mulan?” I say in a low controlled voice.


I give her my biggest grin. “Hi. I’m Punksin’s MOM.”

She looks at me with what is beginning to look like…I don’t know…FEAR?

Good, I think. GOOD.

Punksin has been coming home every day telling me that you are doing things to make her experience here very… unpleasant and uncomfortable,” I say softly.

She looks at me.

Is this…ringing a bell for you?” I ask, smiling like the complete fucking madwoman I am.

She nods.

Every day, she comes home with stories of rude things you’ve said to her, things that you’ve done that really aren’t very…NICE. Do you KNOW what I’m talking about?” I say.

She nods, now looking anywhere BUT at me. I sense…panic. GOOD.

For instance…the shirt. Punksin wanted to sign your shirt and you didn’t want her to. That’s FINE. But then the following day, when she didn’t want you to sign HER shirt, BECAUSE you have been so mean to her, you proceeded to take her Sharpie and deface her shirt. Again, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT?

Another nod, another glance for help. There is none coming, however, because her parents have left, and even if they had returned, they could not have helped her. I was going to make sure this bitch knew exactly what type of beast she was fucking with

Okay, here’s the deal. At this point, there are only two days of camp left. Just…two days. I’m not sure why you don’t LIKE Punksin, but I really don’t care. It’s your right NOT to like her, even although she wanted to be friends with you. You don’t like her, that’s FINE. But what I will NOT HAVE, is you continuing to make her life here miserable. There are TWO DAYS of camp left. And on each day, I am going to ASK her at the end of the day, how her day went. And if I hear that you SAID anything TO her, said anything ABOUT her in her HEARING, DID anything to her, TOUCHED her, touched her THINGS or her WORK, or even LOOKED at her funny, I am going to call the director of the program AND your parents and we are all going to have a nice discussion about whether or not you really deserve to be here in the future. AM. I. CLEAR.”

She nods.

Good,” I say.

I return to my daughter who is standing a mere 2 feet away, and in a voice that I deliberately make just loud enough for the heifer to hear, I say, “Okay, I hope you have a good day, and at the end of the day, you let me know if ANYTHING has happened, okay?

Punksin nods.

Mulan has now stood up and has her back to us.

I leave.

Later on, at pickup, Punksin tells me that, for a change, her day went rather well! She did note, however, that as they walked to class, Mulan was crying.

Did she apologize to you?” I ask.

No,” she replies.

Then…I don’t really care. She made you cry. Now she knows what it feels like to be afraid,” I reply, and go back to my book.

Yes. I am a Momma Bear. I don’t give a shit. You mess with my kids, this is the LEAST of what happens. Maybe, just maybe, that little twat will think twice about behaving that way to anybody else. If not, at least she will certainly think twice about acting that way with MY child, should they come across each other again, because I don’t make any threats that I will not follow through

My work here is done.


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