July 27th, 2012
Allow me to give you a list of a few things that should be hard:
- Being an idiot
- Getting on my fucking nerves
- Penises – at the appropriate times, of course
As you can see, this list has some things that SHOULD be hard, but are clearly not ALWAYS hard, especially 2 & 3.
Then there are things that should NOT be hard. For example:
- Getting an education (yes, every now and then I like to show you that I DO have some civic-mindedness and think about things other than sex, depression, drugs, alcohol and my kids.)
Someone, please explain hard mattresses to me. Not FIRM, mind you. Just plain old HARD.
Why the hell would anyone go OUT and pay hard-earned money (see, there’s something else that is hard that shouldn’t be hard – earning a living) to sleep on something that is pretty much a slab of cement with a thin cover on it?
I know people with back problems that have mattresses that could double as ironing boards. It’s just…incomprehensible to me how someone could sleep on those. In my younger college years, yeah, sure, I could sleep on the floor, but now? I need cushioning, thank you very much. I’ve lived this long and made it this far and I think I deserve some goddamn softness SOMEWHERE in life.
This all came to mind thanks to my own recent back pain, which I am hoping will not get to the point, now or EVER, at which I need to sleep on a wooden board or something. If that ever happens, I will just…cry. I love my bed. The Tech Guru and I have dubbed it the Crack Bed because once you lie on it, it’s very hard to give it up – it just sucks you in. Naps on this bed turn into 8-hour sleepfests. It’s not so soft that you sink into it but it really feels like sleeping on a firm but fluffy cloud.
Beds should not be hard. And I have no idea why it was so important to me to tell you this, but if you had my bed, you’d understand.
- Fred Willard arrested for masturbating to porn because that’s not what porn is for, apparently (boingboing.net) (I’m not really sure how this is related, except that porn can lead to sex which often happens on a bed, but then if you’re just masturbating, maybe you’re in a La-Z-Boy, but in either case, it seems really stupid to arrest someone for masturbating to porn…or masturbating to ANYTHING. I mean, who exactly is getting hurt here?)