Dialing it Down

Well, I’m still on the Wellbutrin, and I don’t feel like quite the crackhead I was feeling before, but still…

I want to get off.

I don’t think it’s making that much of a difference.

I think regaining my own equilibrium is making a difference. And I don’t think that’s happening because of the drugs as much as it’s happening because of my own cycle.

Like right now, I’m in happy horny mode. Because I’m ovulating, And my body apparently thinks I should have about 10 kids.

Now, soon after this phase, is pre-menstrual phase.

I will get cranky.

And irritable.

And miserable.

And possibly, depressed.

Then my period will actually arrive, and I will feel like slitting my wrists for a day or so.

Then, as it passes the climax and begins to die down, I will feel tired but with renewed hope, as though I am emerging from a long sleep facing a new day.

So I know this, and I just need to find a way to deal with it.

This bullshit cycle alone might be worth me getting back on the Pill.

Although it did kind of kill the horny part –  and I kinda like that part. It makes up for the I-hate-everyone-and-myself part.

We’ll see. I should make an appointment to see the doctor while the kids are in camp, to discuss all of this. But really, I think the Wellbutrin needs to go. It’s not drastically improving anything and I don’t need the extra bullshit in my system. Really, I have enough going on.

 

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