What I Have That Lolo Jones Doesn’t

So yesterday the Tech Guru and I were watching the Olympic Trials in Track & Field.

This is MUST-SEE TV in this house.

Lolo Jones, who fell down in Bejing during the 100-m hurdles and totally embarrassed herself, poor thing, came in 3rd in the Finals in Oregon and qualified to go to London representing the US. I was so so happy for her. I like her. And I think she’s gorgeous.

I wish I had her body,” I said to the Tech Guru as we watched Lolo celebrate her 3rd-place run.

She doesn’t have a butt, though,” the Tech Guru said, shaking his head sadly.

WHAT?” I said. “NO!” I was shocked. I mean, I just sort of assumed she had a butt. She’s an athlete. And a RUNNER. And a HURDLER. How could she NOT have a butt?

You have a butt,” the Tech Guru said, sounding rather pleased about it. “She doesn’t. NO butt.”

The Tech Guru is very much an ASS-MAN. (Which is very different from saying he’s an ass, man. It’s all about the punctuation.) He can take or leave boobs. I guess having a little something up there to add some curves is nice. But butts? Very important. Butts, he notices. Butts and legs. This is how I got my husband, people. Butt, legs and brains. Probably in that order. Of course, the brains are slowly frying to shit, which is why I have to work extra hard to get the ASS/LEGS part of the equation back into tip-top shape or else I won’t have a fucking leg to stand on around here.

Thank God for TiVo. I rewound the recording and watched as Lolo crossed the finish line and then bounced around the track. And she bounced, and she bounced, and she turned around…


English: Lolo Jones after winning the women's ...

Go Lolo! Even without your butt I still love you! Well, not love. Maybe that’s too strong. I mean, I want you to win. And I think it’s great that you’re still a virgin.

Or rather, there it WASN’T.


SHOCK! HORROR! STUPEFICATION! (I don’t even know if that’s a word, but you get the idea.)

I was really dumbfounded.

He was absolutely right.

Lolo… has no-no butt-butt.


Well, I have many many things wrong with me…but that’s not one, apparently. Or so the Tech Guru assures me.

I still like Lolo. And so does the Tech Guru. Just…not quite as much as he would if she had a butt.



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