What I Have That Lolo Jones Doesn’t

So yesterday the Tech Guru and I were watching the Olympic Trials in Track & Field.

This is MUST-SEE TV in this house.

Lolo Jones, who fell down in Bejing during the 100-m hurdles and totally embarrassed herself, poor thing, came in 3rd in the Finals in Oregon and qualified to go to London representing the US. I was so so happy for her. I like her. And I think she’s gorgeous.

I wish I had her body,” I said to the Tech Guru as we watched Lolo celebrate her 3rd-place run.

She doesn’t have a butt, though,” the Tech Guru said, shaking his head sadly.

WHAT?” I said. “NO!” I was shocked. I mean, I just sort of assumed she had a butt. She’s an athlete. And a RUNNER. And a HURDLER. How could she NOT have a butt?

You have a butt,” the Tech Guru said, sounding rather pleased about it. “She doesn’t. NO butt.”

The Tech Guru is very much an ASS-MAN. (Which is very different from saying he’s an ass, man. It’s all about the punctuation.) He can take or leave boobs. I guess having a little something up there to add some curves is nice. But butts? Very important. Butts, he notices. Butts and legs. This is how I got my husband, people. Butt, legs and brains. Probably in that order. Of course, the brains are slowly frying to shit, which is why I have to work extra hard to get the ASS/LEGS part of the equation back into tip-top shape or else I won’t have a fucking leg to stand on around here.

Thank God for TiVo. I rewound the recording and watched as Lolo crossed the finish line and then bounced around the track. And she bounced, and she bounced, and she turned around…

AND THERE IT WAS.

English: Lolo Jones after winning the women's ...

Go Lolo! Even without your butt I still love you! Well, not love. Maybe that’s too strong. I mean, I want you to win. And I think it’s great that you’re still a virgin.

Or rather, there it WASN’T.

NO BUTT!

SHOCK! HORROR! STUPEFICATION! (I don’t even know if that’s a word, but you get the idea.)

I was really dumbfounded.

He was absolutely right.

Lolo… has no-no butt-butt.

Wow.

Well, I have many many things wrong with me…but that’s not one, apparently. Or so the Tech Guru assures me.

I still like Lolo. And so does the Tech Guru. Just…not quite as much as he would if she had a butt.

 

 

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