June 28th, 2012
Someone recently said to me that they hadn’t been in touch with me because they didn’t want to “disturb your place of Zen that you reached.”
Snort, snort. What a load of horseshit.
Come on, people. COME ON. Anyone who knows me that I am about as far from Zen as one can possibly get.
Late in 2012, I wrote about rebuilding the Zen Palace. And I wrote that it was an ongoing process, not a destination. Sometimes you put some bricks up, and they come tumbling back down. Sometimes you put up 10 bricks, and 7 stay up and 3 hit you in the head. Sometimes you put up 10 bricks and 15 come down on you. But you keep building, you keep building, and keep it moving. It will never be totally built. I can get close. And maybe when I do achieve it, that’s when I die. I don’t know. All I know is, one of the components of my Zen is being dealt with honestly, respectfully, and truthfully.
But if I have ASKED you to stay in touch with me, and you are too BUSY or PREOCCUPIED to do so, please do NOT come to me with that crock of crap about not disturbing ME. That’s just….it’s just bullshit! Because here’s what is really happening:
Them: I wish we talked more. I miss talking to you!
Me: Yeah, me too!
Me, a few days later: (sends them a text saying hi)
Them: No response.
And then, in another couple of weeks,
Them: Just saying hi! I miss talking to you. 🙂
Me: Yeah, I know, me too. How’s it going? What’s going on with you?
Them: No response.
Wash, rinse, and repeat this cycle about 20 fucking times.
NO! COME ON! NO! Fuck OFF with that! COME ON! If you miss someone, you respond to them. If you RESPECT someone, you respond to them. If someone MATTERS to you, you respond to them. What is this bullshit where you “reach out and touch someone” and say you miss them and then when they write back to you, you fucking disappear? Or when they write to you, you just…don’t respond? EVER? And then when they call you out on it, you say that you didn’t want to disturb THEM. How are you disturbing me, if I’ve written to YOU and said HI? Riddle me THAT. If our friendship was important to you, you would keep your side of it going. It’s like a see-saw: it takes TWO PEOPLE. If you have hopped off and are off on another ride, that’s cool, but please, SAY that and stop feeding me bullshit and telling me it’s fucking chocolate.
One of my other girlfriends, I miss her. I really do. So I keep harassing her ass about getting together, and although sometimes I’m the one who has to cancel, I try to reschedule immediately because it is a PRIORITY for me that we get together and catch up. And we are BOTH trying to make this happen. I harass her. She harasses me. And then we stop for a while. And then we call each OTHER out on the bullshit, we laugh, and we both keep TRYING. Both of us. Not just me. Not just HER. BOTH of us. But she has never once said to me, “I’m not trying to get together because I don’t want to BOTHER you.” WTF?
So to all of you that do this nonsense: STOP LYING. If you are not getting in touch with people, it’s because YOU don’t want to, so stop pretending you are being a martyr and sacrificing some BURNING DESIRE to see me ONLY because you want to help me, achieve Zen. You want to help me achieve Zen? Here’s how: stop the bullshit, and be REAL, whatever that is for you. If you want to talk to me or see me, DO it. If you don’t want to, then DON’T, but STOP TELLING ME YOU WANT TO, so I can just get OFF the fucking see-saw instead of waiting for you to come back. When your actions don’t match your words, as much as I am a wordsmith, I react to actions; anyone can say anything, but it takes a real friend to ACT.
Please, for the love of God and all that is holy in His kingdom, STOP THE BULLSHIT. JUST…STOP.
On THAT note…I have a lot of people to call.
- The Bitch Slap: Knowing What Scares You (redheadwriting.com)
- when people make me feel crappy (freeanissa.com)
- Excusivitis [Beth Burgess] (ecademy.com)