Taking Laziness to New Heights

Well, first of all, let me say that I have my period. So that’s my excuse. And it’s actually a damn good one, because my periods, for those of you who are new here, are epic moments in history at which I lose so much blood that I approach near death. I get pale. I get cold. And I want to do…nothing.

Among the things that I don’t want to do, is food-shopping. Despite the fact that there is pretty much no food in the house. I mean, there’s some food in the house but it’s all shit that doesn’t go together and can’t be cobbled into a meal, like Raisin Bran and artichokes and ketchup. What the fuck?

English: Shopping cart. Português: Carrinho de...

No. I just can’t handle this.

So I need to go food-shopping, but really, I’m just too goddamn lazy to go.

Now, I want you to understand that when I say “GO FOOD-SHOPPING,” I don’t mean going to the store, getting a shopping cart and rolling that shit through the aisles.

When I say “GO FOOD-SHOPPING,” I mean “sit down with my computer, shop online for all the shit we need/want, pay for it, and either ask them to deliver it or, for slightly less, go pick it all up, bagged and ready to go.”

Isn’t that fucking awful?

But really, right now, that seems like just too much effort! I don’t have that kind of energy. And I know, you’re thinking, “in the time it took you to write this damn post you could have ordered the fucking food so your kids don’t starve,” but really, I write very fast. And writing, for me, is fun. Shopping? For food? Online? Not so much fun. Especially when I’m bleeding to death and could give less than 2 shits about food. And my kids just had pizza for lunch, so that should last them another 24 hours or so, right?

 

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UPDATE: Okay. I did the food shopping. ONLINE. And it wore me out so much that I needed a nap afterwards. Seriously. Now that I’m awake I think I will reward myself with a drink. Seriously. Which will probably add to the cramp quotient but hey, that’s what Advil is for. Also, I am not supposed to be taking alcohol with the various meds I am on (more on that to come!) but, WHATEVER.

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