Hollywood Screws Up AGAIN

I am a HUGE fan of the Jack Reacher novels. HUGE.

If you don’t know who Jack Reacher is, then you are missing out. Written by Lee Child, the Jack Reacher series is an amazing set of books about a guy who is completely bad-ass. He’s a good guy, mind you, but he does not fuck around. With a military background and the cojones to show for it, he’s a loner. He doesn’t live anywhere, he doesn’t have more than one set of clothes, and sometimes he gets involved in shit just because his sense of right and wrong tells him to. He is, in a word, FUCKING AWESOME.

Okay, that’s two words. To paraphrase Jay-Z, I got 99 problems and math is 100 of them.

Anyhow, had the Jack Reacher series been written a few decades back, Clint Eastwood in his heyday would have been PERFECT casting for this role. I could even see Jack Nicholson becoming Jack Reacher. Reacher is tall – take note of that, because that’s going to be important later! – fit, blunt, concise with his words, and smart as hell.

Well, Hollywood has decided to bring Jack Reacher to life.

I have read the books. I know what Reacher is supposed to look like, generally. I know his attitude. I know Jack Reacher because I am in love with Jack Reacher AND want to BE Jack Reacher at the same time.

MY top pick for Jack Reacher, hands down? Josh Holloway.

English: Josh Holloway

English: Josh Holloway (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you’ve seen Lost, you know Josh Holloway, who played Sawyer. Call it type-casting, but Sawyer was pretty much a fucked-up Jack Reacher. Sawyer was a con-man but he had the same don’t-fuck-with-me attitude that is absolutely essential to the Reacher persona. Josh Holloway is also incredibly handsome (drool drool), and – important fact here! – he’s 6’2. Meaning….TALL.

I don’t know if they ever approached Josh Holloway, but they damn well should have. He would have been AWESOME, and I would have been FIRST in line to see Jack Reacher brought to life.

But okay. Maybe they wanted to go with a bigger box-office name, because that’s how Hollywood is. They don’t really care about who will actually FIT the role as much as they care about who has the biggest name recognition. And Josh Holloway is not a big box-office draw, although I think that if he’d been given a shot at this he damn well would have turned into one.

So, going for the box-office draw, my next choice would have been Hugh Jackman. I’m not a huge Hugh Jackman fan, mind you, but when I saw how he played Wolverine in X-Men, another role I was fiercely protective of because I LOVE ME SOME WOLVERINE, I was very pleasantly surprised. He bulked up, and he played Wolverine well – not with precisely the intensity that I think my dear tortured Wolverine demands, but it was good enough for the screen for 2 hours.

Hugh Jackman at the X-Men Origins: Wolverine p...

Hugh Jackman at the X-Men Origins: Wolverine premiere in Tempe, Arizona. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So Hugh Jackman, I could have seen. He’s got a good voice for Reacher. He’s got a great face for it, great build as well, and wow, looky here! He’s 6’2.

But no. Hollywood does not get Hugh Jackman for this role either. Nope. No way. Instead of Josh Holloway and Hugh Jackman, both of whom I am convinced would have captured the elusiveness, intelligence and loner qualities of Jack Reacher PERFECTLY, they decide to go for….

TOM CRUISE.

TOM FUCKING CRUISE.

Not only is he not even CLOSE to capturing Reacher, he’s fucking 5’7!!! He’s 2 inches taller than I am! I don’t give a shit how many camera tricks they employ, he is NOT JACK REACHER. Not just because of the height. I could forgive the height because the character is not JUST about the height. But with other actors who could really BE Jack Reacher perfectly, why the hell do they come up with TOM CRUISE? Tom Cruise is NOT BAD-ASS. I know he tries to be, but I’m sorry…he’s NOT. He is bad-ass because Hollywood keeps shoving him down our throats as bad-ass. But them saying it’s so don’t make it so.

And word on the street is that Lee Child, the author, approved this awful decision! As the Tech Guru, another Jack Reacher fan, pointed out, he probably just saw dollar signs and didn’t give a shit.

I don’t know. Maybe based on his contract he didn’t even have a say, although as popular as the Jack Reacher novels are I’m sure he wields enough clout in his contract to have some say on how Reacher is brought to life. Maybe they just convinced him to say he approves it because they thought it would sway people like me who think this is terribly disappointing. Well, I’m sorry, Lee. I am not swayed. Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher fucking SUCKS, and I, for one, will not be paying money to see it on the big screen. If I see it all – and that’s a huge if – it will be in the comfort of my home, for free on cable, where I can change the channel if I find myself getting pissed off. And that’s IF I see it at all. Because frankly, I’d rather just keep reading the novels with my idea of Jack Reacher in my head, than watch this bullshit and have Tom Cruise sneaking into my imagination and messing it all up.

Tom Cruise. Come on, Hollywood. Stop feeding us bullshit. Tom Cruise, Tyler Perry, enough is fucking ENOUGH, already. I’m sick of seeing people who are famous only because you force-feed their work to the public, and then they get more work just because they’re famous, and this vicious cycle of poorly executed “art” continues. Where’s the authenticity? Where’s the true talent?

No. Just…no.

 

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in The Rants | Comments Off on Hollywood Screws Up AGAIN

Comments are closed.