Decals, Skins and Laptop Bags

My laptop currently has no protective covering.

This drives the Tech Guru batshit. HIS Macbook has a nice matte protective covering that I purchased for him about a day after he got the damn computer. You know how they don’t let you leave the hospital with the baby unless you have a carseat? That’s how he is with his laptop. That thing MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS. Considering that that’s how he makes a living, I guess I can see why he would be so anal about it. But buying him one was easy.

Black. Everything… is black. His iPhone covers? Black. His laptop bags? Black. Flashy and colorful would not be words one would use to describe the Tech Guru or his taste in clothing and accoutrements.

But for me, this problem of getting something for my laptop is HUGE.

I can’t find anything I like.

All the patterns are mod circles and owls and flowers and shit. I want none of that crap.

But I don’t want solids either because that’s way too boring.

Why does this have to be so goddamn hard?

I finally – FINALLY – found a skin I could live with. I mean, it’s OKAY. I’m not in love with it or anything and that’s why I’m sort of disappointed. I want to be in love with something. I want to look at a bag or a decal and think,


Instead, it’s more like,

Eh, I guess I could live with that.

WTF? Who wants to have a lukewarm reaction to something they are going to see EVERY FUCKING DAY? It’s like settling for a romantic partner.

Yeah, I guess I could live with seeing her every day. I mean, she’s not the best thing. I’m not excited about her or anything, we’re OKAY together, so I GUESS we can get married and I GUESS I don’t mind waking up next to her for the rest of my life. I mean, it could be worse. I don’t HATE her ass…she’s not UGLY. She’s not beautiful either. She’s…OKAY.

Fuck no.

This is my new motto when I am purchasing things, whether they be clothes, shoes, or laptop bags. I MUST feel that it is something I REALLY REALLY want. Which is why I often wait a while before buying things. If I’m still obsessing about it after several weeks, I’ll go snag it. If I’ve totally forgotten about it, or I go back and look at it and feel like the novelty has worn off, I let it go.

I’ve let a lot of shit go.

But I have yet to find anything in laptop bags that makes me feel even remotely obsessed. The skin I bought today was more a desperate attempt to get something on this fucking laptop before it gets any more dinged up. And it’s kind of cool and modern without being all stripes and circles and flowers. I am so sick of these patterns that are in vogue these days. Jesus.

But now I need a bag. I actually HAVE a bag, but it’s HUGE. I could throw myself in the fucking bag along with the laptop, it’s so big. And that’s great when I’m lugging around research with my laptop, but sometimes I just want to carry the laptop and nothing else, and this bag makes me look like I’m headed to a huge Mary Kay sales meeting or something. I don’t want something huge. I don’t want something boring looking. I don’t want something too girly, but I don’t want something manly because most of the manly stuff out there, takes me RIGHT back to boring. Brown. Camo green. Black. Why does men’s shit have to be so goddamn DULL?

I figured on Etsy, my most favorite site ever, I would find something unique with creative flair. But here we go again with the owls and shit. What is it with the fucking owls these days? They’re everywhere, these owl patterns. And if it’s not owls, it fucking circles. Or paisley. Or stripes. All of which make me want to vomit because it’s like they’re trying so hard to be MOD and RETRO. The 60s are OVER, people. GET OVER IT.

English: Detail of crochet table-cloth. França...

This pattern makes me dizzy and vomitacious.

Oh, and let me not forget the elephants.

Now, I happen to like elephants. And tigers. And whales and dolphins and unicorns and horses and mermaids.

But I do not want any of that shit on my laptop bag. I’m fucking 42 years old and while it should be incredibly clear by now that I don’t take myself too seriously, come on. Just…come on already. I am looking for a laptop bag, not designing a goddamn nursery. COME ON.

I THINK I may have found something on Etsy, though. I THINK.

It’s grey, which is definitely not what I was looking for because it falls into the BORING category. BUT. It has ruffles. And although I am normally not a ruffles kind of girl, I think this works because the two things sort of cancel each other out. The girliness of the ruffles is cancelled out by the gray, and the stodgy boringness of the gray (yes, I said boringness) is cancelled out by the ruffles. If it did not have ruffles and was just GRAY, or if the bag, ruffles and all, were pink, I would absolutely hate this fucking bag. But by combining two things that would make me hate it, they have actually managed to make me like it.

A lot.

Of course, my life being the way it is, this bag is not made in the United States. It is made by a woman in PAREE. (That would be Paris for you slow people.) Which definitely adds a certain cache to the whole thing, but on the other hand also means that it will take longer to arrive here.


It just can’t be easy, can it.


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