March 6th, 2012
It’s 9:10 p.m.
In a little under 3 hours this day will be over, and BOY WILL I BE GLAD.
It hasn’t been a horrible day. Nothing completely awful and terrible happened. My life did not drastically change for the worse. So, I suppose I shouldn’t complain.
But, fuck it, I’m going to ANYHOW. It was just one of those please-can-this-shit-be-DONE-with days. Completely non-productive with a liberal sprinkling of fucked-up-tedness thrown in.
I just ended up…sad.
It all started last night, actually, when I forgot to take my medication.
What that generally means, for those of you lucky enough to have avoided dealing with me, is that the following day is going to be a leeeetle rough.
It’s just one day. Missing one day isn’t terrible. I don’t fall into the throes of depression and want to hurl myself off a roof from missing one day.
But…I get a little…edgy. Snappy. When I miss my meds on a given night, the next day needs to be SMOOTH FUCKING SAILING, PARDNER, or we are in TROUBLE.
Well, today was NOT smooth fucking sailing.
I spent ALL. FUCKING. DAY. Looking for TWO. PIECES. OF. GODDAMN PAPER.
Yup, you read that right. All day. Two pieces of paper. That I have yet to find.
These two pieces of paper are the receipts with the kids’ schedules for their swimming classes. I have signed them each up for 4 sessions of 4 weeks each. Each session, the schedule changes. One session just ended. The next one begins on Thursday. Thank God I had enough foresight to put that second session in my calendar on my iPhone. But I didn’t put in the following sessions, because…Jesus, this is so convoluted and it only gets worse…although I have SIGNED THE KIDS UP, there is no guarantee that they will actually BE in those classes.
Here’s the deal: Pudding is signed up for consecutive progress in his classes. He just passed Guppies and now he is moving on to Level 1. I also have him signed up for Level 2 and Level 3 for the next 2 sessions. But if he doesn’t PASS Level 1, I will have to go back to the aquatics director and try to find space in the class he needs to repeat.
So this is why I did not put all of the schedules in the calendar, but now, I have NO idea what fucking times or days the kids are signed up for.
I know. You’re thinking, easy peasy, call the folks at Ye Olde Boys and Girls Club and have them look it up on the computer.
Yes. It would make SUCH perfect sense.
Except that these idiots HAVE YET TO COMPUTERIZE THEIR FUCKING SCHEDULING SYSTEM. So when I go in there and say, hey, my kids are signed up for classes but I am a dumb fuck and lost the receipt with the days and times so can you please tell me when they are, they are going to pull out some big ass scheduling books that they write in BY HAND, and they will have to go THROUGH those books – BY HAND – and look on each page of each class to see when the hell my kids are supposed to be in class.
Do you see why I thought it would be easier if I found the damn receipts?
But clearly I was wrong. Because I have spent – let me repeat this – ALL FUCKING DAY – like a 9 to 5 JOB – looking for these two papers.
That…was number one.
Also with the swimming, Punksin was unfortunate enough to be waitlisted for her next class, because by the time I went through their absolutely INSANE lottery system – I can’t even BEGIN to explain THAT to you – that class was full. She passed her class and is now supposed to be in Level 4. She is first on the waitlist for the Level 4 class on Thursday. LAST Thursday they told me they would call me on Tuesday – TODAY – to let me know if they could fit her in, because someone ELSE in the class wanted to move OUT.
So I call them. The same woman I spoke to did that “oh, yeah! I need to call them” thing that let me know she had completely dropped the ball on the entire thing. She said she would call the other family to see if they still wanted to move out, and call me right back.
That was 5 hours ago.
Love her. Really.
So, foul mood fully established, I’m chatting with a friend of mine on FB and she dropped the bomb on me that she and her husband are getting DIVORCED. That kicked my ass in the nuts. (I know, that makes NO sense whatsoever, but I like how it sounds so I’m KEEPING IT AND FUCK YOU.) They have 3 kids. They moved to Virginia for his job. We’re not in close touch all the time but still, I was sort of floored and, again, because I FORGOT TO TAKE MY MEDS, it made me instantly sad enough to cry. Because SHE’S sad and upset and tense and I just HATE that.
Then The Tech Guru comes home and informs me that he has had a SHITLOAD of work dropped in his lap and I should be happy, but…tonight, I’m not. I just want to curl up under him and have a good cry and fall asleep watching a shitty movie on TV. Instead, he’s working his ass off and I’m here watching Punksin fall asleep, and she’s telling me it’s too bright in here, and I’m telling her to CLOSE HER FUCKING EYES, and she says all pissy that it’s the MOON. Like I can FUCKING CONTROL THE MOON. I think I’ll just take my shotgun out and SHOOT THAT SHIT OUT OF THE SKY.
I’m so sad, I don’t even want a drink.
Who AM I?
I know this will pass. I know the goddamn swimming thing will get resolved. I know – at least I pray – that my friend will reach a happier place in her life, but I know it’s so tough on her right now with 3 kids under age 8. But I just feel sad for her, and sad that life sometimes has to be shitty and unhappy. And I know this is all INCREDIBLY stupid shit to complain about when so much is going on in the world of far more importance. I know this. I’m not asking you to any pity parties because I know tomorrow is another day and most likely with a good night of sleep, I’ll feel a lot better.
But right now, I feel…sad. And I just had to let some of it out.