February 7th, 2012
Of course, when I say Part 2, that means there’s a Part 1. If you haven’t read it yet, then you should start here. Yes. Stop being lazy, and go read it.
Okay, you’re back or you read it already.
I had a little more to say. That usually happens, in case you didn’t notice. Upon further thought, I just wanted to clarificate some very important parts. (Yes. I just made up a new word. Unless George Bush said it first, which is highly possible.)
After having gone on and on about saving yourself and loving yourself, I want to be clear that that does not mean, in political campaign parlance, “going negative.” Are we clear on that? This is not about that AT ALL.
I don’t hate my mom. I don’t hate anyone who doesn’t appreciate me or love me. I feel sorry for them to some extent, but even that can be a form of ego, and I don’t want to get too invested in that. And I want to be sure you don’t get too invested in that either.
What I do want you to understand and act on when necessary, is that sometimes people are in your life for a reason. Maybe you have something to teach them. Maybe they have something to teach you. Unfortunately, the way life most often seems to work is that we learn the most lessons from our more negative experiences, and if we don’t learn the lesson, we keep getting it thrown at us over and over until we do learn it. So the important thing is to find the lesson in your experiences, and apply it to bettering yourself.
The other thing to be aware of is that once you have learned the lesson, you can often let go of the teacher. Life is a school of sorts. Some teachers are with us for the long haul, teaching us new things about ourselves and life. They grow with us. They are similar to the Sifu in martial arts, a lifelong master who imparts new knowledge once we have mastered the previous lesson.
But then there are teachers who are there to teach you one or two things, and then there’s not really much more to be gotten from them. These are more like your kindergarten teachers or your algebra teachers – they have something very specific to give you and once their job is done, you need to move on. As my sister said to me yesterday, some ropes just need cutting, and if you haven’t cut them yet they will keep dangling in your face. You need to know when to cut the rope.
The hard part can be telling which teacher a person is. Take a parent, for instance. In most cases, one would think of a parent as a Sifu. And most often they are. Even in my case, I do think of my parents as Sifus of sorts, but the methods by which the universe is teaching me through them is decidedly… unconventional. I am learning by their absence as opposed to their presence. I am learning through their indifference as opposed to their love. But…I am still learning.
But in other cases, and romantic relationships is what really comes to mind, you learn about yourself, you grow, and then you often need to let go and move on. The worst thing you can do is cling to something that is really not for you anymore. You’re holding yourself back – and in many cases, you may be holding the other person back too.
I think about that with my mother. Is it also better for her that I am not around? I have to think so, but in some ways it doesn’t matter, I suppose, because it’s nothing I can change, for one, and also, as selfish as it may sound, I can’t be too terribly concerned with her spiritual path and progress. I mean, of course I care; I pray for her constantly, for her enlightenment, her progress, her peace. But I have no control over whether or not other people learn their lessons, especially when I, as merely another traveler, have no idea what those lessons even are. I do wish the best for others, but I can’t help them get where they need to go at my own expense.
Here’s a not-so-secret secret: the way the universe works, whatever is good and right for you, will be right for others too, which means that if someone is not supposed to be in your life…you are not supposed to be in theirs. And if someone is supposed to be in your life, well, the universe will put them there. They will find a way to be around you. If someone is not around you because they’re too busy/don’t like you/won’t make the effort/don’t respect you/don’t love you/can’t stand you/have too many other concerns…well, as I always say, people put effort into the things that are important to them. If you’re not important to someone, then you need to (say it with me now): SAVE YOURSELF. Relationships take two people committed to being respectful of each other’s feelings and MAKING THE EFFORT TO SHOW LOVE AND RESPECT. This does not only go for romances; it goes for friendships, siblings, parent/child, best friends, ANY RELATIONSHIP WITH TWO PEOPLE. If you are the only one doing the work… then that person and the universe is telling you something. Listen.
When Punksin was born, I spent money on a private detective to find my father to tell him he had a granddaughter. In hindsight, that was the silliest and most naive thing I could have done, but it was a gesture born of desperation and unrealistic hopes. The man had never cared about having a DAUGHTER – why would I think his granddaughter would all of a sudden elevate our relationship to what I always wanted it to be? I found him, I told him, we spoke for a couple of weeks – and then he disappeared again. I had done all the work, and he was doing, as he had done for my entire life, nothing. That is not a relationship. That’s masochism of the first order. I was angry for a long time after that, a very long time. Which did me absolutely no good and just caused more pain.
I just wanted to be clear because so often when we are hurting, we do tend to get angry, and lash out. That’s natural and that’s human. But it’s so much better for us if we can overcome that. We heal faster when we embrace positive energy instead of negative. We grow faster. We move onward and upward. Saving yourself and leaving someone behind you can be done with thanks to the universe for the lessons you learned, and with a hopeful face towards your own future. Even if you feel you have been wronged, save yourself, and then be at peace. It’s always hard to remove hurtful things from life – we can make ourselves accustomed to the pain people give us when we’re scared of total rejection – but wasting time and energy with anger after those things are already gone is…pointless at best, more hurtful at worst.
Save yourself from everything negative – even yourself. Be at peace.
Be at peace.