STFU, Kid

I’m on my iPhone scrolling through shoes on Ebay, when Punksin comes up to me and says “What are you looking at?”

Shoes,” I answer.

Oh.”

Pause.

Didn’t you just get a pair of boots a few days ago?”

I didn’t answer, mainly because I didn’t trust myself to answer without using some sort of expletive.

Who the fuck is she, the Shoe Police? I think the Tech Guru must have paid her – this is SO something he would say, being the man that he is, you know, the kind that buys one pair of shoes every 10 years or so.

YES. I JUST got a pair of RED BOOTS. SO THE FUCK WHAT?

And WHY should I NOT have these shoes!

I just kept on looking at my shoes. It’s allll good.

Because you know what?

She’s only 7. NOW.

But one day, she’s going to be a teenager. A girl TEENAGER.

And she’s going to want shoes, I know she’s going to want shoes, because she is already into fashion and clothes and makeup and earrings and all that girly crap. She goes into my closet and dolls herself up and she asks me to SAVE CLOTHES for her so that 10 years from now she can sport my stuff. (If she thinks I plan on being decrepit in 10 years she’s got another think coming…I am going to be HOTTER THAN EVER AT 50, goddamnit.)

I don’t let her wear heels or makeup yet and she is just BARELY allowed to wear small clipons but she loves designing and coloring clothes, and playing with apps that allow her to make up a face… oh yeah, she has drunk the Fashionista Kool-Aid.

So when the day comes – because YES! It IS going to come – when I catch her looking at some shoes, or some jeans, or a shirt, for God’s sake it could even be a friggin pair of EARMUFFS, I am going to SCROLL ON BACK THROUGH THE TIMELINE to THIS DAY RIGHT HERE, Sunday, January 8, 2012 and she is going to hear those words ECHOING BACK AT HER THROUGH THE WORMHOLE.

Meditation has been a wonderful thing – it has taught me….

PATIENCE. (BWAH HA HA HA HA!!!!)

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