Annoying Thing #1 and Ewok Porn

I’ve decided I’m going to post about things that annoy me.

Just in case you didn’t figure that out from the title.

No, I’m not trying to be negative or anything. At least, that’s not my intent right now. Not all of it is going to be things that piss me off. Things that piss me off is different from things that annoy me. Annoyance is…milder?

So, today’s thing is:

Lace-up boots.

TOO MUCH WORK, people! TOO MUCH WORK!

The thing is, I love the way a lot of them LOOK. They LOOK awesome, a lot of them, especially the ones that are all up your thighs.

But try actually putting those fuckers on!

Goddamn Lace-Up Boots

I speak from experience.

You’re sitting there, and you’re lacing, and you’re lacing, and you’re lacing, and you’re lacing, and it’s not tight enough so you have to figure out where to pull it so you can tighten it, and no matter where you pull it’s not totally doing it so you have to keep pulling until it all somehow magically comes together, and it takes WAY TOO LONG. TOO TOO LONG.

I mean, going through this shit with sneakers is bad enough. But BOOTS? THIGH-HIGH BOOTS?

No.

There must be zippers, people. If you are planning to buy me any boots, EVER, they MUST HAVE ZIPPERS.

**********

I know this is TOTALLY NOT RELATED…but I am sitting here next to the Tech Guru, who is in some hangout on Google+ and I’m hearing this conversation and they are ALL A BUNCH OF GEEKEDY GEEK NERDS. I am a nerd, but THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE is crazy.

Part of what made me start writing is this post was the desire to tune them out; unfortunately my phone and headphones are ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS IN THE MANSION and the maid and the butler have the night off so, basically, what that means is, I have to listen to this insane geek talk or shove fucking pencils in my ears (which is becoming a more attractive option with each passing minute).

Don’t get me wrong, they were actually talking about some very interesting stuff at first; when he first joined the conversation there was a lot of back and forth about etymology, which was right up my alley, I wanted to jump in but I didn’t want to be trapped in this virtual room because I knew the convo was not going to stay on etymology forever.

And of course!

They had to go and fuck it all up and show their total geekdom by starting to talk about shit like –

Ewok porn.

Ewok porn is one of those weird things like, I don’t know, sushi and Kit Kat bars.  Individually, they are awesome, but put them together and you have a REALLY BAD COMBO. Ewoks are cool. Love the Ewoks. Porn is cool, for the most part. But EWOK PORN is something that only a COMPLETE FUCKING DORK would even contemplate, furthermore talk about.

I should add here, that the Tech Guru was not contributing to the conversation. He’s actually pretty shy and reserved when he meets new people (maybe that’s where Pudding gets it from?) so I’m sure that contributed to his reticence, but I’m also hoping that it had something to do with NOT HAVING THAT MUCH TO SAY ABOUT EWOK PORN.

Now they’re talking about…digital painting. The Tech Guru is an artist, did I tell you? So they’re all geeked up yapping about drawing apps, which is better than EWOK PORN, but still…

I need to go find some pencils.

Pronto.

 

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Posted in The Fam | 4 Comments »

4 Responses to “Annoying Thing #1 and Ewok Porn”

  1. Way too many geekety geek geeks out there!

  2. Leila says:

    No… There are NOT too many geeks. I LOVE geeks. There is nothing worse than a stupid man, although some of my female friends might consider the term “stupid man” to be an oxymoron. But please…keep the Ewok porn to a dull roar, dudes.

  3. ElMatador says:

    Here you are, blathering on about how much you HATE ewok porn, and yet you never provide any links! Why would you even bring up the subject of ewok porn if you don’t at least share some links?

    Rude.

    • Leila says:

      Wow. Some people are REALLY fiending for some ewok porn! I’m guessing you could find the links faster than I could, dude. (I’m assuming you are a dude, because your name is El Matador, and also cuz I don’t know too many women who would actually WANT LINKS TO EWOK PORN.)

      Love the name by the way. Please send pictures of you fighting a bull immediately. Running the streets of Pamplona DOES NOT COUNT.