Delusions of Grandeur
January 10th, 2012
One of my great-grandfathers used to talk about people who walked around with “delusions of grandeur,” this idea of their own overwhelming importance. I would say that definitely has to apply with Beyonce and Jay-Z, given all I’ve heard about the prep that went into the arrival of their baby. I mean, they have lots [...]
STFU, Kid
January 9th, 2012
I’m on my iPhone scrolling through shoes on Ebay, when Punksin comes up to me and says “What are you looking at?” “Shoes,” I answer. “Oh.” Pause. “Didn’t you just get a pair of boots a few days ago?” I didn’t answer, mainly because I didn’t trust myself to answer without using some sort of [...]
The Org Chart
January 8th, 2012
So then the Tech Guru reads the last post, and he starts murmuring, I didn’t think you had to go there. HE JUST CANNOT SHUT UP. He’s about to get fired. Let me make this very clear: I AM THE WRITER. I WRITE WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT. If I want to BEAT SOMETHING [...]
Really, The Last Time I’m Discussing Ewok Porn Ever
January 8th, 2012
So the Tech Guru reads the last post, and he’s all like, you’re making a bigger deal of this, when we were talking about Ewoks it wasn’t — I didn’t hear the rest because I just shut him out. Why is he fucking with my world? This is MY WEBSITE. And I will TALK ABOUT [...]
More Ewok Porn, Except Not Really, And Maybe Worse
January 8th, 2012
Okay, so what does the Tech Guru do except GO AND SHOW ALL THE GEEK SQUAD WHAT I WROTE. Which I totally don’t think was a good idea, because now they’re going to be all like, why were you sitting there letting us talk about stupid shit like Ewok Porn when your wife was sitting [...]
Annoying Thing #1 and Ewok Porn
January 6th, 2012
I’ve decided I’m going to post about things that annoy me. Just in case you didn’t figure that out from the title. No, I’m not trying to be negative or anything. At least, that’s not my intent right now. Not all of it is going to be things that piss me off. Things that piss [...]
Stand Down
January 5th, 2012
WE CAN ALL CALM DOWN NOW PEOPLE. THE MEDICATION HAS BEEN FOUND. As it turned out, the medication WAS on the kitchen counter, but if you knew how full of drugs medicine and helpful products my kitchen counter is, you’d understand why it wasn’t easy to find. The damn bottle was actually on its side [...]
CODE RED! CODE RED! CODE RED!!!
January 1st, 2012
WE INTERRUPT THE REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM FOR THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT: I CANNOT FIND MY FUCKING ANXIETY MEDICATION. CODE RED! REPEAT: CODE - FUCKING – RED!!!! I had a bottle of Ativan that I carried in my bag so that if anxiety hit me while I was out and about, I would have it readily available. [...]
The Year of Making Shit Happen
January 1st, 2012
So it’s 2012! Hello there, New Year, how the hell ARE you? Me, I’m fine. A tad woozy from meds but as you will soon learn, that’s not so abnormal. These meds are not behavioral meds, though, no, these are cough and congestion meds to clear up the mucus that LOVES to collect in my [...]
