In Which I Explain Why The Tech Guru Calls Me ‘Hooker’ and I Call Him ‘Motherfucker’

Be forewarned: it’s really not that exciting. I don’t know if I should even tell you. I’m sure it’s a lot more titillating for you to think that we yell these out at each other when we’re having raw, crazy, baboon-style sex. (FYI, I don’t really know anything about baboons and their sex lives. It just […]

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My Next BFF Is Going to Be a Guinea Pig

So we might be getting guinea pigs. Let me be VERY CLEAR on this…we MIGHT. I said MIGHT. The kids want a pet. I want a dog and so do the kids, but I’m also very aware of the fact that taking care of that dog is going to fall mainly on my shoulders, and […]

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We Did Not Get the Memo on Child Labor

Today we are out driving on useless important errands, and we pass a farm that is already set up with Christmas trees. CHRISTMAS TREES, PEOPLE! It is not even THANKSGIVING. It is not even MY BIRTHDAY. (My birthday is in November, in case you didn’t know, and is treated as a national holiday in this house for […]

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The Cure for What Ails You

You ever had a really shitty day? Of course you have. If you haven’t, I don’t even know how you could relate to ANYTHING I say on here. I’ve been having a shitty few weeks. Medical issues. Relationship issues. Kiddie issues! Mommy issues – as in, MY mommy, not me BEING a mommy. (That would […]

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The Pendulum Swings From Side to Side

You know my secret theory…the one where I think my kids are planning to have me committed and doing their best to get me there. (And honestly, it’s not going to take much.) This morning, Pudding decided to add his 2 cents. He asks ME, for a corn muffin. I do not go to get […]

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I Didn’t Tell Him To, I Swear

Yesterday we hied to the doctor for Pudding’s annual checkup. If you’ve been reading for any decent stretch of time, you know my theory, the Murphy’s Law of Doctors. Well, that came into play again yesterday. Having left the pediatrician we had previously because of constantly having to deal with the one asshole in a […]

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Football for Dummies

So tonight, I am watching football. The Eagles are playing Monday Night Football. (In case you didn’t know, the Eagles are the football team you must support in order to live in this house.) Now, I am relatively new to the sport. Until I met the Tech Guru some, what, 14 years ago, I didn’t […]

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I Am Alive…I Think

Hey, you! Have you been looking for me? At least pretend you were. Jeez, give my ego a boost. So what has happened in the last almost 2 months? Um… Lots of funny shit with the kids, that’s for sure. I mean, they are a HOOT. Punksin passed her swimming level and is now in […]

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