I Hope He’s Not Thinking About Penile Enlargement

You have to love conversations with little kids. They cover a whole lot of seemingly unrelated subjects in under 5 minutes. It’s like those speed dates where you learn about someone in 5 minutes and move on.  All conversations should be that efficient.

Today, I’m in the potty bathroom watching Pudding pee, because I’m still afraid that the minute I let him totally go by himself he’s going to start peeing graffiti on the walls. So while I’m in there pretending to wash my hands, this is our conversation:

Pudding: Mommy? Lasers can take off my pee-pee.

Me: Uh, okay, well, we really don’t want that to happen.

Pudding: Why not?

Me: Because you need it. That’s why God gave you one.

Pudding: For what?

Me: Well, peeing, for one. How are you going to pee?

Pudding: (pats his butt) Right here.

Me: No, you can’t pee from there. That’s just for pooping.

Pudding: You pee from there.

Me: No I don’t.

Pudding: Yes you do. You and Punksin pee from there.

Me: No, we don’t.

Pudding: Only Daddy and me have pee-pees.

Me: (breathing a sigh of relief at not having to go into vagina territory) Yes, that’s true.

Pudding: Daddy has a pee-pee and I have a pee-pee.

Me: Yup.

Pudding: But Daddy’s pee-pee is bigger than mine.

Me: (silence)

Pudding: (thinks about it and then says with awe) A lot bigger.

Yeah, I know. I get stupefied by it too.




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