Ooh! I Love How BIG It Is!

Diamond Ring

Admit it…you wanted to see if I was talking about The Tech Guru’s manhood, didn’t you?

Sorry, folks. Catch me when I’m drunk and I’ll go into graphic detail, but for now…no.

What I am talking about – and I shock myself with this one – is the whole Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries engagement thing.

I can’t really fathom following people who are famous for being followed by a lot of people, so I’ve never really gotten into the Kardashian clan, and try to ignore them as much as the media will allow me to.

But of course there are times when the antics and shenanigans and the constant blather about Kim Kardashian’s ass seeps into the quietude of my world, and I actually have to think about them and how shallow and stupid it all is for more than 2 minutes.

Case in point: KH getting engaged to KK.

First of all, he’s an idiot. Did he not check out the Khloe Kardashian pre-nup? (yes, another instance in which I had to pay attention). Lifelong tickets to the Lakers game, even if they divorce? Really? I mean, these marriages seem to be more about let-me-get-all-the-shit-I-can than love.

So finally, some sports star finally proposes to her, and all she AND he can talk about, is how BIG the ring is.

It’s like 22 carats or something and cost enough to feed a small village in Africa for a year or more, I swear.

And all the commentary I’ve read from her runs along the lines of, oh, it’s so BIG, I love it.

And he, dumb ass that he is, also made a comment that he wanted it to be HUGE.

And this is all I’m reading, how big the ring is, how they wanted it to be different from Khloe’s (read: better) and here’s what I’m thinking as I’m reading all of this chatter they’re both putting down about the ring and the ring and it’s big and the ring:

do these two idiots LOVE each other? Maybe a little?

Maybe the media is playing editorial doctor with the comments, I don’t know, but I didn’t see a word about how excited they are to be together, or how much they love each other, or anything remotely like that.  The two of them are like 2 planets circling the their sun, which in this case happens to be –

The Ring.

They should make another movie. Two idiots transfixed on a 22 carat diamond ring that sucks them into a black hole.

Now I suppose we’ll be bombarded with all the blah blah blah about her wedding dress and when they’ll have kids. Because I really care.

And for the record, that is NOT her ring up there, as I’m sure you guessed. (It’s not mine either, if you’re wondering.) Hers is WAY bigger. It’s just…SO BIG! It’s so big, it’s so big, it’s so big…oh.. oh…oh!

I’m going to go have a cigarette now.

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