September 7th, 2010
I think right about here I should clarify/point out some stuff:
- Personally, I have no problem with porn, but I do not watch internet porn. There’s no point to seeing a man’s business on a goddamn computer when I can go face to face up close and personal.
- Wait…that didn’t come out right.
- In case you haven’t been following along, which is completely rude of you but I’ll forgive it this ONE TIME, my son was having constipation problems that actually went on for a lot longer than this little vignette suggests. But he’s okay now. We think.
- I would not seriously use my big toe as a stool softener. A well lubricated and gloved finger, however, was suggested to me by the pediatrician. I don’t know about you, but when I hear the words lubricated and finger in the same sentence, my mind goes to a whole other happy place.
- Is this bothering you?
- All of these incredibly awesome photos were taken by my incredibly awesome daughter, who is only 6. As you should already know, I do not disclose her name on this site for privacy reasons, but suffice it to say that the pictures belong to her, via me, and if I see them anywhere else I will hunt you down and shank you.
- In case you have your doubts about #6 and think you can throw these photos up on some obscure site that only you and your momma know about, don’t forget that Punksin’s dad is the Tech Guru. (I was going to call him the Hacker but that would have reminded me of that dude on Cyberchase.)
- But I digress!!! THE POINT IS…Daddy has a degree in COMPUTER ENGINEERING. He knows how to HACK shit, and FIND shit that’s been hacked, or stolen, or supposedly lost in cyberspace. (Well, all except for that time I threw my computer across the room and totaled it…boy was HE pissed, and it takes a LOT to piss off the Tech Guru, you have no idea. I try on a daily basis to see how far I can go cuz it’s kind of like a game to me, like stacking cards and holding your breath to see when they’ll fall kind of thing, but I think he’s on to me).
- Okay!! Stop distracting me!!! Everything leaves a trail. YOU CANNOT HIDE. WE WILL FIND YOU. FOR REALS. And once HE finds you…I will shank you.
- You have been warned.