The Best Email Chain Letter Ever

All I have to say is, I wrote this.  And I am going to send it out FAR AND WIDE.

Today I got an email
Or maybe three or four;
It’s hard to tell cuz every day I’m fielding more and more.
Some promise Jesus loves me.
Some tell me I’m so great.
Some look at 9/11 facts and say it’s spooky fate.
Some tell me I am special,
Some tell me I’m divine,
But all of them require that I pass them down the line.
I have to send to others
To keep my run of luck;
If I don’t send to 20 friends, I’m promised I’ll be fucked.
Some others try the guilt trip;
They say my friends won’t know
Whether or not I love them (and of course, that I’ll go broke.)
But if I just hit forward,
And send to every friend
I’ll have my luck forevermore and love that never ends!
I really think it’s bullshit.
And frankly I am pissed
At all these emails that I get and so I’m saying this:
Look, I know Jesus loves me
And I sure love him too.
But I don’t need to prove those things by sending shit to you.
So thank you for your “blessings”.
I think I’ve had enough.
I delete nearly all this crap but life ain’t been too rough.
I didn’t get the plague today
Or suddenly go broke.
I didn’t watch my house go boom and lose my cat to smoke.
I didn’t lose my car,
Or crash into a store.
The only thing I’ve lost is time with dumb emails like yours.
You tell me that you care,
And that I’m your good friend,
And yet all that I see from you is stupid shit you send.
So please don’t be upset
When I never reply.
These emails are not personal and that’s the reason why.
You may think I am jaded;
I know I’m not alone.
I’d sure as shit be more impressed if you picked up the phone.
Instead I get chain letters
That you just send on through.
The time I spend reading the damn things I’d rather talk to you.
Take my name off your list
And when you have the time,
Send me a frigging email that you wrote with ME in mind.
You forward mail in bulk
By merely pressing send,
And I’m supposed to be impressed and feel that I’m your friend?
It takes more time to pass a fart
So please don’t send me more.
Now I don’t even open them, I couldn’t be more bored.
When you are finally done,
And get out of the chair,
You can visit, call or write and real life we can share.
Until then, pass THIS on
And maybe you’ll be blessed
By other friends who wish that you would give this shit a rest.

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