The Things I Learn

I have picked up a freelance gig doing some copywriting for a website.  I actually worked for them 2 years ago but I told them after about a month that they were way too disorganized and I needed to stop.  It didn’t pay that much and their chaotic way of working was making it take way too long to make the couple of pennies.

They contacted me several weeks ago, claiming that things had improved – the money and the efficiency.  So I told them I’d try it out and so far, it’s been better the second time around.

Because they’re on the web, they’re all about the SEO –  search engine optimization for those of you not in the know.  They’ve given me access to some software that they use, and my responsibilities include using this software to find the best keywords to plug into various pages on their website.

When I plug in words to see what will work best, the software spits back out all internet searches that have been conducted including that word.  So if I plug in “swimsuit”, I’ll get “mens’ swimsuit”, “toddler swimsuit” and any other searches that people have conducted on the web using that word.

What has been fascinating has been seeing what comes up sometimes.  People are out there searching on all kinds of crap!  Needless to say, any word that can possibly be used sexually comes up in searches.  Sometimes it’s amusing, but it really freaks me out when I see anything that appears remotely sexual combined with kids.  I wish I could just trace a line to their computers and make them explode, or find the perverts  and report them.

My favorite one thus far, though, was yesterday.  I had to do a writeup on an Alaskan gift catalog.  I looked up the various things that were in the catalog but to be sure I had covered broader territory, I just threw in the word Alaska.  Of course, there were lots of searches on Alaskan tourism, and various Alaskan wildlife, and eskimos.  Then I saw:

Alaskan thunder fuck.

Uh, what?

Now, understand this: for this to show up where it did, it meant that several people had been looking for it.  Not one or two folks, but lots of people.  In other words, this is a popular term.

Do you know what it means?

I told the Tech Guru, and we we were so curious that we Googled it too – we really had to know.  Either it was some crazy sexual position that we might be able to put to use (one day when there’s no one in the bed under the age of 30), or it was…well, we didn’t even know what to think it could be.  Which was why we had to find out.

All I will tell you is, if you know what it means, right now, without having to look it up…

then shame on you.  🙂

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