The #1 Diet Plan IN THE WORLD

It’s official – as of this morning, I am down to pre-pregnancy weight.  I would prefer to be another 2.5 pounds lighter than that, but I’ll take this for now.  Nothing like a good dose of the flu to dwindle your weight down to nothing!  Even the Tech Guru looks lighter, and although the scale says he’s the same weight, it must have been redistributed or something. Yesterday, when he put on a suit for the first time since last Wednesday, I swear it looked like it had been made for someone else.  He wants to lose another 15 pounds – maybe he should get sick again.

I have to tell you, as happy as I am that I can now squeeze my ass into the Joe’s Jeans that I bought JUST when I got pregnant and realized I would not be wearing them for over a year, it is still not as wonderful as it should be.

For one, I took a good look at my legs this morning and yes, they are skinnier and smaller.  But they’re still in dire need of toning.  This is what so many people fail to realize – it’s not just about weight.  It’s about muscle tone and physical health.  There are women who are heavier and bigger than I am and I guarantee you that they are healthier and more energetic. I have lost virtually all the tone I had in my legs – all.  My arms aren’t so bad –  arms usually take a lot less time and effort to tone up and lifting Pudding around in his damn carseat seems to be doing the trick for now.  But the legs really need some work.

The other thing is, okay, I lost the weight – but I still have no energy.  And I know that has nothing to do with weight and everything to do with having two kids, one with crackhead amounts of energy and the other one a growing babe who is about to be mobile any minute now, a thought which frightens me to no end.  I can barely keep up with one; I don’t know what’s going to happen when Pudding hits the ground running.  I’m thinking maybe I’ll just give them each a Nextel handset and tell them to buzz me if there’s a problem while I retreat to the couch.

Seriously, though, I realize as I get older that I don’t just want to look good, I want to feel good.  I want to Be Healthy. The truth is, at my current weight I feel like a Nella Larsen protagonist – I’m passing.  I look fit (in clothes), but I’m really not at optimum health, and I know it and I feel it.  I need to hit the gym.  I need to get my heart rate up, my muscle tone up, I need to work on my abs.  And I don’t need to work on my abs so I can walk around this summer sporting a six-pack; I need to work on my abs because having strong abdominal muscles will go a long way towards alleviating my lower back pain, and will help me when I lovingly lift my growing children.

I know these things.  So I need to get with the effing program already.

Didn’t I say this a while ago?

That’s the good thing about putting this out there for the world to see.  People can call you out when you’re flaking out.  Feel free to chime in – I will not get mad.  A good swift kick in the (not-so-firm) ass is just what I need, folks.

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2 Responses to “The #1 Diet Plan IN THE WORLD”

  1. Sara says:


    I hope you are all feeling better.
    Can you send the bug this way. I am in serious need of a crash diet and the one I’m using is not working (well, I am not actually using one 🙂



  2. Ginny says:

    Trust me, you don’t want what we had. It was awful. I think what was the worst about it was trying to take care of sick children when all I wanted to do was lie in bed all day sleeping and watching TV.

    I miss those days…